


Crawl

by dieyenkai



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Emotional Rollercoaster, Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Romance, dont hate me, this is me trying to write again after a year of hiatus, will put up additional tags later as I post chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 10:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11205828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieyenkai/pseuds/dieyenkai
Summary: When you choose to love, you'd want only the best for them. But what if it hurts them instead?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> It's the last day of PD101 s2 tomorrow and I'm totally not ready for it. 
> 
> This is me channeling my inner OngNiel feels. They need to debut together. TT.TT
> 
> I was listening to Chris Brown's Crawl when I got the idea for this fic.
> 
> Sucks that my harddrive got corrupted and I lost all my drafts. I had to cancel my chaptered fics because I don't know where I left off

 

 

➶

 

"We're already here but I'm still against this." Jisung complained for the nth time, Daniel and Jonghyun lost count.

"Okay, are you really, really, reaaaally, completely, totally a hundred percent sure on this?" Jonghyun was the one who asked this time, again, Daniel lost count how many times the question was brought up. "You can always go back home."

Daniel sighed heavily, "We talked about this. Can we not make this weird please." he said, "And besides, what good is coming home if he'll be there anyway. I told you, do not make this awkward for both of us."

Daniel woke Jisung and Jonghyun up in the ungodly hours of the day, panicking because _shit, I was so wasted last night I set my alarm on my phone's calculator application_. Here they were, hair fortunately not sticking up in different directions, bloodshot eyes from the lack of sleep. Jonghyun haven't a wink of sleep before Daniel decided to storm their unit in a full blown panic. They were the unlucky ones who didn't stuff their ears with earplugs to drown out Daniel's panicked pleas to _open the goddamn door we're gonna be late._

"Us? Make it weird?" Jisung exclaimed, feigning hurt. "6 years of being friends and you accuse me of this? You know me better than this Daniel. How could you."

"Alright drama queen, you're taking it too far again." Jonghyun said, almost a whisper as he struggled to keep his head from falling.

"Seriously, I have nothing against Sungwoo." Jisung's lips quirked upwards, "In fact, I'm more than happy to hear he's coming back, but...." he stopped. Sneaking a glance to Daniel who's been tapping his feet impatiently since they got here. It's one of his mannerisms when he's nervous.

"Huh?" Daniel snapped back, seemingly distracted. "Did you say something?"

"I said, I'm more than happy to hear---"

"There he is!" Daniel stood up, abruptly cutting Jisung from finishing what he was saying, and simultaneously waking the entirety of Jonghyun, body, soul, spirit and all.

The two looked at the direction Daniel was looking at to see a tall figure who's gathering quite some attention from the onlookers. Eyes wide, mouth hanging open in disbelief.

"Dude, Sungwoo got hot." Jonghyun commented, eyes and mouth wide open.

"Got hotter is what you mean." Jisung added, in contrast, his expressions were better than Jonghyun.

From a distance, the person in subject took notice of the three, flashing a toothy grin in their direction, a few short squeals was heard as he walked towards the trio. A sling bag hanging over one shoulder, pushing a trolley for his other things. He was wearing his trademark black jacket that all his friends would recognize from a mile away, his hair slighty parted at the middle.

"You ready for thi--"

Jisung stopped himself mid-sentence, looking at Daniel's reaction. As easy as it was to read Daniel's expression, Jisung didn't want to acknowledge this one.

Longingness, is what's written on Daniel's face. And oh boy, this is gonna be a mess. Jisung could tell.

Jisung could see everything, in the way Daniel looks at Sungwoo heading their way.

Questions, for sure. He has lots of them. But he sees a sense of frailness as he deciphers what the gears on Daniel's consciousness is cooking up inside his head right now.

Somewhere between the line of guilt, desire to atone, and plain-longingness is what Jisung sees, and he doesn't like it one bit.

Two years after Sungwoo left, and now he's back again. To top all that off, Daniel dropped everything he had planned the next day when he got a call the day before his reckoning, that Sungwoo, his ex-boyfriend of 2 years, is coming back home, and he asked Daniel to pick him up at the airport. Hence why, the three of them were here in the first place.

Daniel didn't take his eyes off Sungwoo the moment he saw the older male. As Sungwoo drew nearer, his heart raced as if the latter was the trigger needed to reduce his heart to an explosive mess. Palms sweaty, lips chapping, throat undeniably dry.

"Hey, Daniel." Sungwoo smiled, stopping in front of the brunette, "I'm home."

Daniel felt his heart stop.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo yeahhh, I need to double check my drafts. I have this story finished already, I just didn't want to post it in one go. For dramatic purposes ^o^
> 
> Don't hate me. Please look forward to it <3


	2. My ex, and Why's

 

  
➶

  
Ong Sungwoo was a year older than him. He was a junior while Daniel was a sophomore.

Goodlooking. Smart. Talented. Sweet and Caring.

Sungwoo was the campus heartthrob. Save for Park Jihoon who's got his own set of admirers, being the president of the student council, that, and he's pretty good looking to boot.

They met because of Jisung. Jisung knew Daniel since they were kids, he was always the 'mother-figure the group doesn't need-but has no choice since he's already there anyway."

Jisung heard Daniel was pining over this student who's in the theatre club. The latter having no interest in dramatic plays, was suddenly all about theatre once their professor required them to write a review about the play.

And there he was, the  protagonist that took everyone's(and Daniel's) hearts. Ong Sungwoo.

Luckily, Jisung knew Sungwoo. They were in the same class that one time Sungwoo took up an advanced class. Jisung found him interesting, aside from the fact that he's had this total 'Actor' aesthetics. They clicked almost instantly. Jisung never expected Sungwoo to be as comical as they know him now, judging from how he looks.

Once Daniel found out about it, he didn't give Jisung a rest until he formally introduced Sungwoo to the gang. Save for Daniel's internal squeals, Sungwoo blended in almost instantly, and so their friendship grew.

But his and Daniel's didn't stop there. Senior year, and Sungwoo was overloaded with academics, Daniel was taking extra classes to prepare himself for his college admission. Jonghyun suggested that they crash in the same place, since they were taking an extra mile just to get to school. They did offer their place, but it was too crowded with everyone around. Luckily, Sungwoo has connections, and they were hooked with a realtor who sold them a unit few blocks from campus. Convenient.

If Daniel thought Sungwoo was perfect before, his expectations were way much exceeded when they started living together.

Sungwoo took care of him very well. Always paying attention to the littlest details. He was always there for Daniel, and as much as he can, Daniel reciprocated back.

It was until the end of the semester, the time of parties and all that the two came to realize their feelings for each other. Well, more on Sungwoo's part that is, since Daniel was already pining over him to begin with.

Through bottles of alcohol, and hype of the party. Sungwoo was the one to carry Daniel back into their unit, Daniel's weight on his back as his hot breath tickles Sungwoo's nape.

Daniel's drunken confession of _'I think I'm in love with you Sungwoo'_ was not taken for granted. The next morning, as if testing the ropes. They laid in bed, eyes gazing into each other as they take in the newly formed fondness, hands locked in each other as shy smiles painted on their faces.

It was Sungwoo who leaned in first for their first kiss.

It was Daniel whose heart got so excited from bliss who deepened the kiss. Inexperienced, but nonetheless, full of intimacy.

When their friends heard about the news of them dating. Expecting surprised look on their faces, was instead met with relief as they chant _'Finally, you guys took so long'_ for a week as if it's their mantra.

What they didn't expect though, was that after 2 years of being undeniably in love with each other. Even so having to go through so much, sharing every ounce of pain and happiness of one another, is Daniel telling them that he broke up with Sungwoo, and Sungwoo announcing he's leaving for New York, pursuing a modeling career he was offered after he graduated.

The group didn't pry much into details seeing how both of them seem to be in good terms with their decision. It was not anyone's call to have them rethink the decision they have made.

Both boys' facade didn't escape Jisung's keen eyes though. He saw how they were both holding it in, as if the decision made was unavoidable.

Atleast no one got hurt in the process right? That's what they all thought.

_That's what Daniel thought._

 

➶

 

  
"I'm home."

_Home......._

Images of fond smiles, loving hugs and tender kisses flashed through Daniel's mind at the thought of the word Home.

Home used to be him and Sungwoo binge watching some of the older guy's to-watch-dramas, usually finishing one title over the course of one day, legs sprawled on to each other, Sungwoo leaning back to Daniel's chest as the latter tries to chew on his snack as quietly as he can so Sungwoo won't shush him with an exaggerated hush.

Home is when Daniel took the time to learn how to cook Sungwoo's favorite meal. Earning himself a few cuts and burns he considers as battle scar, only to fail by the end of the day. Yet Sungwoo ate it like it was a dish made by the Gods themselves.

Home used to be both of them cramming their school works together in their shared bedroom, only for one of them to give up completely. Usually it's Daniel, demanding attention from the older male screaming, _Cuddle meter_ is low as he whined like a spoiled child, urging Sungwoo to hurry up before he loses all his _cuddle points_ and that he needs to recharge. The older admitting defeat launching himself towards the 20 year old toddler in their bed, arms wide open, anticipating the other.

Home is waking up, with protective arms wrapped around his waist, the sound of a steady heartbeat, the feeling of a sturdy chest, and the scent of a familliar smell.

Home is Ong Sungwoo.

_**Was** _

"Welcome back." Daniel snapped back to reality, realizing that he's been staring at Sungwoo the whole time. "You grew taller?" he asked mockingly, attempting to divert the latter's attention away from the fact that he just got his breath taken away moments ago.

"You dyed your hair." Sungwoo ruffled the brown locks.

Daniel chuckled, "Pink was getting old." he said.

"You're getting old." Sungwoo laughed, somehow it sounded strained to Daniel. Or maybe that was just in his head. "Yo Jisung, Jonghyun" he switched his attention to the two neglected boys beside Daniel. "How have you guys been?" he said as he approached them both with an open hug, which both gladly accepted.

"Dude, you've evolved." Jisung commented, Sungwoo snickered.

"Evolved?" he laughed

"What have you been eating back there? You're even more prettier than before." Jisung chimed, "I need to get some of whatever you're having."

"You're glowing." Jonghyun said in amusement, "Couldn't give us a heads up, huh? Look at us compared to you. I'm calling it. It's official. You've evolved from campus heartthrob to a total Daddy." he joked.

"Oh my God." Sungwoo laughed heartily, Daniel's poor heart squeezed out one big beat, hearing the familliar laugh. "I can't believe you called me a 'total Daddy'. Man that's so.......ugh. Cringe. The cringe is real Kim Jonghyun." he said, slinging an arm around Jonghyun's shoulder.

Jisung didn't miss the way Daniel's gaze landed on Sungwoo's arm as he did the gesture. They're close friends and all, that's true. Though, Daniel's not one to pry, he IS the jealous type. Jisung could see it in his eyes, but he must've realized it's not within his rights anymore.

"Did you guys eat?" Sungwoo asked.

"Not a bite." Jisung replied.

"What? Why? It's almost noon."

"We haven't slept a wink either." Jonghyun added, "I was still hung up on some take-home workload when I realized how late it was, and just when I decided to call it a night it was already morning, then BAM, some idiot stormed in our place screamin we're gonna be late, we're gonna be late! Get up!." Jonghyun grimaces, he really is a different person when he lacks sleep.

Daniel could only laugh at the embarassment. He caught Sungwoo smiling at his direction.

"Well, let's eat. I'm buying." Sungwoo smiled, he's always this happy. That much didn't change.

"Sungwoo, we love you but, can we pass on this?" Jisung said, "As much as we would love to catch up, we're in no condition to absorb anything right now. We're practically zombies being mind-controlled by some human manifestation of annoying-as-hell, but somehow still cute enough to let it pass." he joked, eyes bulging out towards Daniel to as if to point fingers.

"That's so mean." Daniel pouted.

"That's what you get for disturbing old men during hibernation." Sungwoo whispered loudly intentionally, earning a look from both of the older males, and a "Hey!" in unison.

Daniel and Sungwoo laughed at their reaction.

"You can just drop by at our place anytime. Just don't forget to bring gifts for Minki. You know how he is." Jonghyun said.

"Same place?" Sungwoo asked.

"Yeah."

"You all still live together?"

"Yep." Jisung stressed the "p"

"Sweet. Man, I missed everyone. Can't wait to see what changed after I left for New York." Sungwoo grinned.

Alot has changed. Daniel thought.

"Well you had good timing, me, Minhyun, Dongho, Jisung and Minki all are past the point of having heavy workload. And the kids are on their semestral break too. Just drop by, 2 years is too long for a day to catch up." Jonghyun said, as he called a cab.

"How 'bout tomorrow? Sounds good?"

"Better." Jisung smiled, "But seriously though, I want some of what you're having. " he laughed.

"Keep dreaming Yoon Jisung." Jonghyun snickered, "Anyway, catch you tomorrow? As much as we'd like to help you get settled in, we're really in no condition right now. Besides, Danny K here is pretty much enough to help you with your stuff."

"He's been working out." Jisung smirked teasingly.

Daniel has been quiet the whole time. Jisung noticed. While he was against this whole 'picking up your ex whom we all haven't seen in two years' thing from the start, he knows Sungwoo and Daniel is matured enough to figure out things on their own. Heck, they already did, two years ago. The rest of the gang were just skeptical about the whole breakup that it didn't feel like they handled it THAT well. Besides, they're bestfriends. If anything, Jisung knows the both of them won't be too stubborn to throw away something that amazing.

"Well, we're gonna go ahead." Jonghyun said, already calling a cab.

"Get some rest." Sungwoo smiled.

"No making out, you hear me? We'll know. We'll always know." Jisung squints his eyes, as if to suspect the two.

"No promises." he winked, laughing hard when Jisung gave him a stern look as they got inside the cab.

Both waved goodbye until the cab was out of sight.

Daniel tensed, realizing that he's now alone with Sungwoo. The man he's loved for two years, and the man whom he haven't seen in two years. True, they were bestfriends before they dated. But the moment they stepped out of the line of being bestfriends, Daniel forgot how to act around Sungwoo. All he knows is how Sungwoo loves it when he holds his hand as they stroll the streets. How Sungwoo's a sucker for back hugs, because Daniel's chest is the perfect place to lean back on. How Sungwoo reacts to stolen kisses. His crazy antics, and mannerisms. His jokes that even he doesn't get how someone this goodlooking can be this bad at making jokes.

He's not over Sungwoo. Not by a long shot. That much he knows himself.

It is his fault anyway. Sungwoo doesn't need to do anything. He just have to get over it and face facts. Sungwoo's not his anymore.

"Earth to Daniel Kang?" Sungwoo waved in front of him, eyes blinking, face too close for comfort.

Jonghyun was right, Sungwoo was glowing. There's this radiant glow that's evident. Well, he always was like this, he's always shining, in everything he does. He's been avoiding staring straight into Sungwoo's eyes, else he would've melt. His eyes are Daniel's greatest downfall. Even the stars have nothing on how beautiful Sungwoo's eyes are, they were always so full of emotions. Even just thinking about it, Daniel's already drowning, how he would love to get lost in them once more.

"Helloooo~?" Sungwoo singsonged, shaking Daniel out of his trance.

"S-sorry." Daniel stuttered.

Sungwoo smiled fully, stretching his arms wide, eyebrows raising. "Well?" he said.

"Well what?" Daniel gulped, this does not bode well.

"Give us a hug." Sungwoo grinned, teeth showing, it was blinding.

It takes all ounce of Daniel's will to restrain himself from launching into Sungwoo's invitation, slowly, he slotted himself just within the range of Sungwoo's arms as he instantly gets encaged by a familliar grip.

The sensation wasn't any different, Daniel felt weak at his knees from the familliar warmth. It is Ong Sungwoo, it's really him.

"How have you been?" Sungwoo's voice changed. It was bright and cheerful when Jonghyun and Jisung was still with them, but somehow it turned....warm, all of a sudden. It's the same way Sungwoo talks when they were still together. Calm and composed, but full of fondness.

"Things are..... fine." Daniel whispered, his face dangerously close to Sungwoo's. it doesn't help that Sungwoo buried his nose in the crook of Daniel's neck. "What are you doing?" he asked, praying his face stays the same color, and not flush the same tint as his lipbalm.

There was a content smile on Sungwoo's face as he breathes in Daniel's perfume. "I'm making a memory." he said, "Years from now, I'll always remember how Kang Daniel smells" *sniff..."Strawberry and Peaches." he chuckled. Pulling away, one arm still on Daniel's waist, he raised Daniel's chin so he can have a good look on the younger boy under him, "I'm really home, aren't I?"

Again, Daniel was reminded of what Home is to him.

"Welcome home, Sungwoo." Daniel surrendered, planting his face in Sungwoo's chest, the latter chuckling fondly.

 _I missed you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep there we go. Took me a while. I was gonna post this together with the prologue. Took me a while XD i was distributing chapters evenly. I have this one big draft for this fic so I still need to figure out when to cut each chapter so.
> 
> Look forward to it. ^o^ <3
> 
> P.S. it's 2:47am on a friday, and it just dawned on me that after this day. There will be no more pd101 TT.TT
> 
> Hello new group to stan. <3


	3. The Struggles of Kang Daniel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OngNiel made it!!!!!!
> 
> And that OngNiel hug at Ong's rank announcement. （＾Ｏ＾）  
> Everybody wants to hug you but you practically launched yourself to Daniel. I see what you did there Ong. My heart ❤️❤️ Congrats to our boys!!! I hope they do well.
> 
> I do feel bad about Jonghyun and Samuel being left out of WannaOne's lineup, they do deserve to debut. I don't want to stress myself out thinking why they didn't make it. If I may be allowed to say, let's just support EVERYONE, who came on the show in their activities. Hating WannaOne's lineup won't do any good, you'll only hurt our boys. The same boys we stanned since ep1. They all deserve to debut. And they will. Let's just look at this positively people. They're all deserving.
> 
> Stop the hate people. These boys deserve some love. Every last one of them.

➶

 

Breaking up with Sungwoo wasn't the best idea he's come up with. It's close to being the worst though.

For two years, they dated, and in a second, it ended.

Daniel can still recall every little detail of the ordeal. 8:25pm on a gloomy Saturday evening. The skies were foreshadowing the storm, if only Sungwoo was prepared for it. Daniel can still vividly remember everything, every emotion, every tear, as if it just happened yesterday.

How could he forget? It was the last thing he'd want to see on Sungwoo's beautiful face. The pained look he had will be forever engraved into Daniel's mind, he's the one that caused it.

It was a week after Sungwoo's graduation. Sungwoo was still hung up on post-graduation bliss. He's accomplished another milestone. Adding that to a few of his accomplishments; he's got the craziest, greatest set of friends. He has just been offered a modeling career by a traveling talent scout, although he wasn't given much detail yet, it really was legit To top all that off, he's got Kang Daniel. What else could he wish for?

Daniel though, to say the least, was scared. Being Sungwoo's boyfriend, though might sound like he is the luckiest guy in the world. He is, to be able to call Sungwoo his. But it does have it's own downside.

The problem lies in himself.

No matter how many times Sungwoo assures Daniel that he's enough, he's all he needs, he's perfect. Daniel's insecurity gets the better of him. Who wouldn't be, when your boyfriend is this amazing. As much as he didn't want to listen to his own paranoid mind, he can't help it when he's reduced to an overthinking mess.

_What if he finds someone better than me?_

_Someone prettier_

_Someone hotter_

_Someone smarter_

_What if he grows tired of me._

_Of who I am._

_What if he wakes up one day and he doesn't love me anymore._

_What will happen to me then?_

_Will I be able to move on?_

_Will I ever love again?_

_What if I can't?_

_What if......_

Daniel never got to put himself together after trying so much to dismiss his own morbid thoughts. The next thing he knew, Sungwoo was kneeling down, begging him not to let go.

But Daniel thought it was best for both of them.

Sungwoo was going to Newyork for his modeling career to kick off. There's going to be a ridiculous amount of distance between them. This is just the start, but he was sure doors will open for Sungwoo, he'll be successful in the field. Fame, recognition, money. It'll all come rolling in towards Sungwoo's way. He always have been one to live a luxurious life, Sungwoo had that coming for him.

One day, Sungwoo will realize.....he doesn't need Daniel.

Why would he?

_I'll only bring him down_

He deserves better

Daniel can't keep up with the pace of how well Sungwoo's life is going that it scares him. He knew from the start that Sungwoo was way out of his league, he's bound to realize this soon right?

Even though it pained him, he had to let Sungwoo go. Staying with him is the same as caging a bird, not allowing it to fly, to be free, to explore the world. Sungwoo is capable of everything his heart desires. That's why Daniel let him go.

But ofcourse, for him. Sungwoo was everything.

All he ever needed in his life, is Sungwoo.  
Sungwoo who supported him from the very beginning. Sungwoo who loved him despite his faults, his scars. Sungwoo who always just...smiled, who made him feel like he could take on the world.

But he let him walk through the door. He didn't stop him. He made his decision.

It's for Sungwoo.

What started as an _'I love you_ ' ended with an _'I'm sorry Sungwoo'_

 

  
➶

 

 

"Is this for real?" Sungwoo asked in disbelief, eyes scanning the all too familliar walls. Both amused and surprised to see that their unit stayed exactly the way he remembers it. Every corner of the unit, remains the same. If anything, it looked the same way as they first bought it. The fresh coat of paint says so otherwise. While he does remember some chippings off the wallpaper, he was glad that Daniel at least didn't let this place deteriorate with time.

"Kang Daniel, explain yourself." Sungwoo mused, Daniel followed behind, face hidden behind a box of Sungwoo's luggage. He insisted that he can handle all Sungwoo's stuff, the latter knows better than to fight back especially when Daniel is determined.

"Well, we both paid for this place." he breathed, putting down one box, "I didn't want to make changes without your consent. It's not just my house, it's yours too. You have just about any right in this house than I do." he explained.

"Well isn't that sweet Danny." Sungwoo's smile was wide. "I must say, I'm surprised. Impressed even, but still, surprised." he said, eyes still taking in the surrounding. Sungwoo was picturing in his head what stayed where, and sure enough, expectations meet reality.

"Need help putting your stuff away?" Daniel offered.

"Yeah sure, I brought home so much." Sungwoo grinned.

"Perks of being a model?" Daniel mused, unknowingly hitting a sensitive subject. He realized when Sungwoo obviously tensed, but relaxed almost immediately.

"Yeah." he smiled, "Speaking of." Sungwoo hurried to drag one of his bags, unzips it in front of Daniel with an enthusiastic tada~ once the contents were revealed.

Daniel's mouth formed an 'o' seeing how many shirts were stacked.

"They're all yours." Sungwoo grinned, anticipating Daniel's respond, to which he wasn't disappointed when the younger's eyes grew in disbelief.

"You serious?" he felt the fabric of ome of the shirts on Sungwoo's bag, "Aren't these expensive? These are high quality stuff. They're no joke." Daniel exclaimed.

"I'm serious, it's all yours." Sungwoo chuckled, he knows plaid shirts are Daniel's thing. When he modeled for a few shoots, whenever there's a plaid shirt used he always uses his charms so he can take them home. Some made their cut on Sungwoo's payment, as expensive as it was, Sungwoo didn't mind.

"But these are all probably expensive though."

"I didn't pay a single cent."

"Yeah, you can do better." Daniel scoffed, he knows when Sungwoo's lying, "The quality of these are too good for them to be free." he said.

"Since when did you reject something from me." Sungwoo chuckled, taking none of Daniel's rejection. He knelt down to Daniel's level, proceeding to take a red shirt out of the bag while motioning the latter to stand up, once he followed through, he swatted Daniel's arms up so he can dress him with the shirt.

Daniel hasn't been this close to Sungwoo for two years. Well, aside from the hug they shared back at the airport. All thoughts lead back to them being together at Sungwoo's words. It's true, Daniel never declined anything as long as it's Sungwoo at the giving end.

He can practically hear the sound of his heartbeat through his ears from the way Sungwoo slotted himself in, closing the space in between them as he circles his arms around Daniel's neck to put the shirt behind him, turning right to put one of Daniel's arm inside the sleeve of the shirt. God, Sungwoo's facial definition definitely improved, jawline so sharp, Daniel can probably cut himself if he traces his jaw.

Turning the other way, Daniel sees the constellations on Sungwoo's face. A flashback came as he stared at the three moles in the older's cheek.

_"Can I name this one Peter?" Daniel asked poking Sungwoo's face, they've just finished watching a movie, and Sungwoo was still weeping over the film they just watched._

_"Wh..at?" Sungwoo's face scrunched in confusion._

_"And this one will be named Rooney." Daniel continued, not minding the older guy, back pressing down on his chest. "And this one probably....Danik" he smiled._

_"You're weird you know that." Sungwoo pouted, seemingly unamused by Daniel's randomness._

" _You're one to talk Mr. Normal." Daniel laughed, in a swift motion, he pressed a chaste kiss on Sungwoo's unsuspecting lips, causing the older of the two to hide his face in his hands, ears beet red._

" _Don't.....do that." Sungwoo sighed weakly, contentment evident in the smile he was hiding through his hands._

_Somehow even after dating for almost a year, Daniel can still make Sungwoo blush like crazy, and vice versa._

"Hello~ Are you here with me Daniel?"

Snapping back from his flashback, Daniel was yet again met with Sungwoo's hand waving in front of him, with a suspicious yet playful look. He placed a palm over Daniel's forehead, squinting his eyes as he retracts it immediately, pretending to get burned.

"You always exaggerate." Daniel snickered.

"Oh my god, you've come back to me Daniel." Sungwoo exclaimed dramatically, spewing nonsense as he pulls in Daniel for a hug the latter didn't expect. "Oh joyous day! Kang Daniel has returned to me!"

"You're weird you know that." Daniel swallowed a lump on his throat, he could feel his whole face heating up from the sudden contact. That, and Sungwoo's words were....well, Daniel took it differently.

"You're one to talk Mr. I'm-so-normal." Sungwoo retorted.

Daniel wished he never opened his mouth.

"Let me see." Sungwoo pulled back, motioning Daniel to step back. He was wearing a simple shirt, and jeans ripped exposing his thigh. The red plaid shirt gave his outfit that extra 'oomph' that got Sungwoo raising his hand to show his approval. "I knew it, I knew you'd look good in plaid shirt but I never imagined you'd look this good." he mused, a fond smile on his lips causing Daniel to look down to the floor.

"You don't like it?" Sungwoo's tone sound defeated.

Daniel was quick to react, waving both his hands frantically, "No, no. I love it. I just...."

"Just?"

_Just want to know, why. Why do I still feel this way. Why are you so happy. Why._

"Nothing." Daniel smiled.

Sungwoo knew better. Daniel was faking it.

Daniel wished he can hide his feelings well. He can, actually. But not to Sungwoo. Sungwoo knows, he's always known. Everything about Daniel. He doesn't even need to ask, it's like he's reading Daniel's mind all the time. Always knowing what he needs, every single time, Ong Sungwoo is always on point. It's overwhelming. Maybe it's one of the reasons why Daniel's scared. Being in love with Sungwoo was too much, too great. He can't handle something this amazing.

While Daniel struggles internally, Sungwoo kept stern eyes on him, as if he's figuring out Daniel's thoughts. He sighed, shaking Daniel away from his thoughts.

"It's nothing, really!" Daniel tried to convince the older(and himself). He knows better than to worry Sungwoo, he's just...afraid, very, afraid.

Sungwoo merely smiled, "You can rest up if you want to." he proposed.

"Ahh no. I can still--"

"Or better yet, you can go make lunch?" Sungwoo mocked.

"Hey!" Daniel pouted, prodding Sungwoo with a finger who leaned back and sprung back in. "Tell you what, you do lunch, I'll put away your stuff." he said.

"You've got yourself a deal Kang Daniel." Sungwoo grinned as he extends a hand, which Daniel accepted into a handshake.

Sungwoo was the better cook anyway.

 

  
➶

 

 

As the day dwindled down, and the sun died out, and through stories told by each other from the two years that passed. Both boys recluded back to their own respective room. It was the same as they first got here.

Things changed. But only ever slightly. Atleast that's what he wants to think.

From when they first stepped on their unit, up until this point. Daniel could name a few things that changed. Comparing it to how it was from way back, when his journey began.

Daniel wanted to be a professional dancer. Back from two years ago, he's always had this passion, performing in a stage gives him such a rush that his dance always tells a story. A story of who he is, and who he wants to be.

He braved the big city away from his family to pursue his dreams, luckily they gave him his full support.

The real world was harsh, cruel, unforgiving to those unprepared. Daniel learned the hard way. He was rejected countless times by the prestigious universities he's had his eyes on. But he never gave up, he perservered, and worked hard.

Soon enough he got into a scholarship, his talents got recognized, he was given opportunities, he only needs to head straight, keep his priorities straight.

He met Jisung on his first year, he was the student representative of the faculty, and like a newly hatched chick, he latched on to Daniel until the latter grew strong enough to fend for himself.

Soon, Jisung introduced him to a few more people, he's established a family. He is ever so grateful to them, they were the ones who watched Daniel grow, the ones who were there with him during good, and bad times.

The ones who were with him through the worst decision he's ever made in his life.

Jisung and the others found it difficult to leave Daniel alone in his and Sungwoo's unit after he announced their breakup. Sungwoo left with no more than a " _Take_ _care, I'll see you guys soon_." on their groupchat before removing himself on the tab.

The answer to their ever curious question of why they broke up remained a mystery, until Jisung got a call in the middle of the night from a police officer calling his mobile, saying he's the emergency contact of one Kang Daniel, dropping everything, he rushed to the police station to find Daniel, all bloodied and rugged. It just so happened that on his way to the convenience store near their unit, a lady was getting mugged, and Daniel threw himself to the rescue. Ending up with a few minor cuts and bruises, but the thief was apprehended nonetheless.

That night, Daniel exploded, as Jisung escorted him back to his unit.

Through unblinking eyes, tears flooded his cheeks, seemingly numb as Jisung cleans up his wounds.

" _I miss him_." he said, sounding ever so broken.

Jisung did nothing to poke further into the younger boy's depression, he pulled Daniel into a hug, hoping to piece together the broken boy in his arms that was once the happiest boy in the world.

That night, Daniel cried, cried for the days he didn't cry. For the days that he felt like he couldn't go on anymore. The days that mocked him, reminded him of why he's feeling all this pain.

He's only a year closer to graduating, a year closer until the road to his success, closer to his dreams, the road where the the path is paved with a red carpet. But e felt empty.

Sungwoo's not with him.

And as much as there's Jisung, Jonghyun, Minhyun, and the others for him. It's not enough.

He didn't mean to sound ungrateful, especially when since they heard from Jisung of the incident, they were always at Daniel's, trying to keep himself off of his mind, distracting him from all the negativity he's feeding himself.

But by the end of the day, as he lies down at their shared bed, the pain creeps back in, like thorns engulfed in fire, he feels every sting making their way to his chest as his heart clenches, and his eyes succumb to tears.

Daniel only got better after a year of blaming himself.

His friends, though surprised, was glad Daniel made the decision to get on with his life.

They thought that after graduation, Daniel will isolate himself, but surprisingly, he came out a lot stronger.

He came into terms with his own mistake. The hurt and pain will remain, it will always remind him of his biggest regret, but it will be a constant reminder of the biggest regret of his life, and also to keeps him from doing another.

He went on with his life, got a job as a dance instructor, he's garnering some few recognition, giving him opportunities every now and then. It's slow, but it's a start.

Jisung was the most surprised out of all of them. To think that Daniel basically became independent. He can manage everything way better than the rest of the group can.

One thing he did not handle well though, was getting a call, familliar voice all too happy through the speaker saying, " _I'm_ _coming home Daniel, can you pick me up?._ "

Though intoxicated, Daniel didn't have it in him to say no, once he heard that voice that he's been longing for, and he's already gone.

Hence why he's at his current state right now.

Whole body occupying the sofa, his head rested on the arm of the couch. Eyes closed as he contemplates deeply.

They haven't had the chance to talk ever since they broke up. Sungwoo remained quiet for two years, not one of them hearing anything from him. All their messages remained unseen, except for Daniel, who didn't have the courage to send one of course, he was grieving over the end of their story, the one that he ended, how can he muster up the courage to even say hello to Sungwoo, and through social media? Sungwoo deserves respect.

Ofcourse though, the rest of them sees Sungwoo's updates on his social media, but they always come in fragments, bits and pieces that some of them comes off strange.

Like, Sungwoo posting a verse, a quote, totally unrelated to the pictures he's posted. All his pictures of social media never includes him in it, which is typical of Sungwoo actually, but acquaintances of him always have him on the pictures they uploaded. It striked the group funny how it seems that Sungwoo's avoiding everyone, but from his stories that Daniel heard earlier, he just didn't want to feel homesick.

Bad excuse, Daniel can always tell.

Since he came back this morning, Sungwoo doesn't seem to be troubled that he and Daniel had a relationship in the past. In fact, he's acting like it never happened. It confuses Daniel and it makes him frustrated. How can Sungwoo casually touch him, talk to him, look at him, smile at him, without even any trace of longingness in his eyes.

How? Did he get over Daniel already? Has he moved on?

If that's the case, then why hasn't he? It's been two years. It's about time for Daniel to move on too, just like Sungwoo.

But it drives him crazy. He wants to be mad, he wants to be angry.

But he can't. He doesn't have the right to be.

Not when it's him who broke Sungwoo.

His breathing became heavier at his frustration over his thoughts. Fighting back tears over closed eyes, he felt a pair of fingers on either side of his head, rubbing his temple in a circular motion, his eyes flew open.

Sungwoo was kneeling behind the frame of the sofa, half awake.

It was a good thing the lights were dim, else Sungwoo would've seen the tint of his face matching the redness of his lips.

"Bad dream?" Sungwoo asked, eyes landed softly on his face.

Even through the dark, and in a half-awake state, Sungwoo was radiating. He was beautiful. Daniel's the only one who has ever seen this side of Sungwoo.

"Yeah." Daniel whispered, surprised when Sungwoo tapped his arm, motioning him to stand up.

When Daniel made no effort to stand up, Sungwoo swiped him up, carrying him on his shoulder, and entering his bedroom where he laid Daniel on one side of his bed, carefully putting him down, before taking the other side, falling back to sleep almost instantly.

The escalation surprised Daniel, his cheeks feel warm, suddenly he's this close to Sungwoo again. He just wants to reach out, and bury himself on the crook of Sungwoo's neck, and convince himself that everything's fine. It probably is for Sungwoo, but this is unacceptable.

It's torture.

Is this his punishment for breaking Sungwoo two years ago? This torment, he had this coming for him. How did he not prepare for this?

While he did consider that Sungwoo will, and probably would want to keep their friendship because that's where they started anyway. It wasn't fair, that he gets to confuse Daniel.

Sungwoo was beside him, looking amazing as ever, but Sungwoo is also very far. Daniel can't reach that high.

Should he endure this? To be this close to Sungwoo, but never be able to hold him, to be called as his?

It's better than not being in Sungwoo's life , right?

Maybe they were meant to be like this. To meet as friends, become bestfriends afterwards become lovers for two years only to be reduced back to bestfriends.

Look at them now, they're both doing well in their lives, right? Sungwoo's a known model, with lots of companies signing him up. Daniel's an aspiring dance instructor getting recoginition. Maybe it really was meant to be like this.

Hey, atleast he can admire Sungwoo at this distance, right? He can support Sungwoo, even when it's not him who's right next to Sungwoo.

_You can do this Daniel. It's the best for both of us. **For** **Sungwoo**._

 

 

 


	4. Everything Stays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still hereeeeeee! And I'm back with an update! Yaaaay!
> 
> Where my readers at?XD I hope you haven't forgotten about me. Sorry it took so long for me to post an update. Work had me all tied up TT.TT

 

  
➶

 

A week has passed since Sungwoo came back. His visit to Jisung became an overnight stay as the younger ones whined about how unfair it was to leave them on short notice.

Seonho was always the clingiest of them all, but seeing that even Hyeongseob refuses to let him go, heck even Jinyoung who doesn't really say much whined about not even hearing anything from Sungwoo after he left for Newyork, he just had to stay. Daniel wanted out, saying it'll be too crowded if he stay too, but Sungwoo stopped him.

"Cmon Daniel, it's not like you to pass on sleepovers." Sungwoo whined, still locked in Seonho's arms.

Daniel convinced himself to expect that Sungwoo would actually let him go. Sleepovers at Jisung's are their thing, him and Sungwoo. They come as a package, it's not just Sungwoo, nor is it just Daniel who gets to stay for the night. Always, alwaaaaays, Daniel AND Sungwoo.

While the younger ones were oblivious to the tension, the others can feel the gravity of the situation. They were just as confused as Daniel. Why is Sungwoo taking it too well? It's like it never happened, the way he doesn't display any awkwardness at all when facing Daniel. The way he doesn't hesitate when initiating skinship towards him. He's acting like his usual self, cracking lame jokes, being as blunt as he usually is, and is always smiling.

"Why is he acting like this?" Came Dongho's ever curious question. The rest of the older members of the group gathered at Jonghyun's room, leaving behind Daniel and Sungwoo at the living room with the rest of the kids with Jisung.

"Did any of you heard from him before he got back? Anything? This is confusing as fu--"

"Language Minki." Jonghyun stopped him from finishing his sentence. He sighed, worry filled his eyes as he looked towards the door, the sound of the kids arguing over something can be heard along with Sungwoo's usual antics. "I'm worried for both of them. This doesn't bode well

"Maybe they talked it out theirselves?" Minhyun said, hands massaging his temple.

"Unlikely." Jisung came in, "I've been keeping an eye out on Daniel ever since they split." he sat down next to Jonghyun.

"We've all been sending messages to Sungwoo right? None of you got any replies?" Jonghyun asked, all of them shook their heads one after another as Jonghyun looks in their direction.

"They're hurting." Jisung stated.

"You mean Daniel's hurting." Dongho defended, "I don't want to be mad at Sungwoo, but this is unacceptable. The least he can do is act accordingly to the situation. Honestly, he's always been like this. He thinks he can fool everyone but he's an open book himself." Dongho frowned.

"Hold up a minute, what are you implying?" Minki countered, "Are you saying Sungwoo's at fault in this?" he frowned, "May I remind you that it's Daniel's selfishness that's caused this?"

"Oh yeah? Daniel was afraid, he was scared. The least Sungwoo could've done is assure him that things wouldn't go the way he was thinking." Dongho bit back.

"You should know Kang Dongho. You were there. You saw it all. How Sungwoo pieced Daniel together when he's lapsing into his self-induced paranoia. He had NOTHING to be scared of, Sungwoo gave him everything, and what did he get for it in return?"

"Enough, both of you." Jonghyun declared.

Tension rised in the room as both were opinions flared through, amidst all this, Minhyun laughed, surprising everyone in the room.

"What's so funny?" Dongho asked.

Minhyun smiled as he recovered from his laughter, "Feels like two years ago." he said.

The scene that happened reminded him of a particular day that happened two years ago. They were in one room together, same as this one. They were arguing about Daniel and Sungwoo, same as this one. Dongho sided with Daniel, and Minki sided with Sungwoo, exactly the same as this one.

Upon realizing the similarity that the scene that just happened, all men broke into smiles, realizing that it is exactly the same.

Back then, they were arguing about Daniel and Sungwoo's situation, as they have just announced that they were dating. Dongho thought that Daniel wasn't ready to date anyone yet, he wanted to protect Daniel, and although he has nothing against Sungwoo, he was against the whole dating an inner circle friend thing. Minki on the other hand, wants to give Sungwoo the benefit of the doubt. They already know Daniel's been pining over Sungwoo for quite a time, and when they moved in together in one unit, Minki gave them his full support.

"Huh. Guess nothing really changed." Jonghyun smiled.

"If this is gonna follow through what happened before, they should be okay." Minhyun smiled, doubts and worry fading. He stood up, pulled Dongho and Minki together, pat their backs, and smiled. "I know you're both worried, but there's no sense in picking a fight with each other. They're gonna need us, in time. The only thing we can, and should do is wait. Let them figure this out on their own.

"But...." Dongho's eyes furrowed.

"I know." Minhyun rubbed circles on his back, "Daniel's a bright kid. He's strong. He's doing his best so we won't worry, even though it shows. Give him this one." he said.

"And Sungwoo?" Dongho replied.

"He's.....guarded." Jonghyun answered, "You know him. You can never expect what he'll do next. Jisung is right, they're both hurting. Daniel's pain shows, but we can't imagine what's going on through Sungwoo's mind. We all know how he is. He hates it when people worry about him. He'll try his best to hide his emotions."

"He's trying his best to hide it from Daniel." Minhyun said.

"You said it yourself" Dongho said towards Jonghyun's direction. "We'll never know what he'll do next. What if he intentionally leads Daniel on."

"Do you really think he'll want to hurt Daniel?" Jonghyun asked.

"You think he's doing this to get back at Daniel? You know him better than that Dongho." Minhyun supported.

"I just don't want them to hurt each other."

"They won't, they need this. They need to realize this themselves. No matter how much we see them hurting, we can't get in between them."

"They're idiots." Minki laughed.

"They're our idiots though." Jisung chuckled.

That night, all tension dissipated over dinner, the usual atmosphere returned same as the last two years. The same scene that feels all too familliar for Daniel. Seonho invading Minhyun's space, too close for comfort. Hyungseob and Jinyoung playing their usual fighting game at the console with Jisung coaching both of them, Minki and Dongho anticipating the round's loser with a punishment. All while Jonghyun is silently watching all of them with a content smile, and a mug of his favorite hot chocolate in hand.

Sungwoo was sitting next to him on the couch, slouched back as he watched everyone indulge themselves on their usual routines. It hasn't even been a long day, but Daniel is already tired. Struggling to keep himself awake as he blinks through sleepy eyelids, the last thing he saw before he fell asleep was Seonho jumping animatedly, dancing victoriously Hyeongseob.

Daniel usually doesn't remembers his dreams. They're all some messed up random stuff that's usually open for interpretation. He usually shares his weird dreams to Jisung, which the latter would explain to Daniel what the implications of of the dream would be. Mostly about Daniel's struggles.

This one though, was too vivid, too clear, too detailed.

Tall buildings everywhere, busy streets, and busy people walking pass by him. Daniel's hand was enclosed with someone else's as they stroll along the sea of people. The hand in his feels familliar, a voice talking to him as they go, though it sounded like it came from a distance. Daniel could barely make out what the person next to him was saying, amidst all the fuzz around the city. He doesn't have control of his body either, kinda like watching a movie, but he's experiencing it first hand.

They stopped all of a sudden, the other losing his grip of Daniel's hand, running to a stop in front of a pastry store.

It's Sungwoo.

He was pointing out to a cake on display, excitedly jumping as he beckons Daniel to come to him. He was mouthing words that Daniel can't understand.

Smiling, Daniel started walking over to where Sungwoo was still jumping. As he started walking, few of the passerby started crowding near Sungwoo, the latter paying no mind to the crowd forming around him as he excitedly wait for Daniel to come.

The walk seemed farther than it looked, as Daniel kept on walking, and walking, not getting closer to Sungwoo as he does. Realizing this, Daniel suddenly regained control over his body, panicking as he realizes that the distance between him and Sungwoo grew. He picked up his feet, and ran as fast as he could to go to Sungwoo, but instead, they grew farther apart. In the distance, Sungwoo was still waving at Daniel, still as excited as he smiles. Daniel ran, and ran, and ran, but the distance grew. It grew until Sungwoo was almost out of sight. Daniel screamed Sungwoo's name as he frantically picks up the pace, he screamed over and over again. But Sungwoo was already gone.

The next thing he knows, everything was white. All he could see was white, all he could hear was the sound of his breathing bouncing off the white walls.

' _Sungwoo_!' he screamed, repeatedly. His vision grew blurred, as the world spins arounds. Sungwoo's gone, he lost him. He's all alone, crying the name of the one he's been longing for as the world falls down on him.

"Sungwoo!" Daniel screamed, sweat tracing down his jaw as he breathes heavily. "It's a dream, it's just a dream". He chants.

"What was?" A voice said, Daniel looked up to see Seonho carrying a mug. He walked over to Daniel, sitting down to meet him eye level, "Hot chocolate?" he offered.

Daniel grunted, massaging his temples as he tries to shake off the headache. "Why are you up?" he asked.

"I got hungry." Seonho confessed, smiling cheekily as he takes a sip from his mug, "Bad dream?"

"Yeah." Daniel sounded weak.

"Guess you're still having nightmares about Sungwoo leaving, huh?"

"What?"

"You're scared, still. That Sungwoo will leave again. Right?"

"No. That's not--"

"You don't have to be afraid though." Seonho stood up, "He's here now, he'll never leave you unless you ask him again."

"I didn't.....ask him to leave."

"Well he didn't want to either." Seonho said, "I always knew you two would get back together." he smiled.

"We're not..." Daniel said in a whisper that Seonho didn't hear.

"By the way, can you do me a favor?" Seonho turned, "Minhyun asked me for it but since you're awake now, can you, get a blanket for Sungwoo? It's kinda freezing tonight and they don't want him to catch a cold." he pointed to Daniel's direction.

Daniel only realized that he's lying on something warm when Seonho pointed up. He was lying on Sungwoo's lap the whole time he was asleep, he was covered in a blanket which he recognizes is Sungwoo's(Jisung have this closet for spare blankets for everyone).

"He hasn't moved an inch since you fell asleep, said he didn't want to wake you up. Probably'll have a stiff neck tomorrow but, eh, it's his choice. I don't get it with you people in love." Seonho chuckled as he disappeared back into his room.

Slowly, Daniel sat up, carefully lowering Sungwoo down so he's the one lying now. Sungwoo stirred for a moment but nuzzled into Daniel's thigh short after, as if finally relaxing.

Sungwoo looked tired. Daniel wondered what happened last night that put this strain on Sungwoo's beautiful face.

Daniel took this chance to take in Sungwoo's face, as if making a memory himself. The constellations on his face is still there, unknowingly tracing it with his finger. His sharp nose and jawline got even more defined. Daniel watched Sungwoo's breathing stabilize, the rise of his chest indicates he's well deep into sleep.

All thoughts leading back to his dream made it's way back to Daniel's consciousness. He doesn't need Jisung's interpretation for this one to know what it was about.

It's his own fear. The same fear he had of two years ago. The fear of Sungwoo being that far ahead of him that he can't catch up. He was scared that Sungwoo wouldn't look back for him, that he would go on, progress through life without so much of a stop to wait for Daniel. Yet despite all this, Sungwoo's here, in his lap, looking as comfortable as ever.

Maybe they were right, Daniel does get lost in his own paranoid thoughts too much. Maybe it is just all in his head.

But what difference does it make? What will change, even after he admits it to himself now? There's already a two year gap in between them, the way Sungwoo's acting now. Acting the way they were when they were bestfriends. Selective amnesia? Could be right? Daniel thought, ludicrously. Sungwoo doesn't need to be reminded of all the pain he felt when Daniel pushed him out of his life. That's got to be it right?

Why is it that his mind is this active when he doesn't need it to be. He hates himself, for all of this. His suffering right now, he brought it on to himself. He wants to hug Sungwoo, but he cant. He wants to hold Sungwoo's hand, but he cant. He wants to get icecream with Sungwoo, he wants to go bike riding with him on midnights, wants to go ice skating with him, stroll the mall with him, eat snacks at the convenient store at the strangest hours, but he can't.

Before he knows it, a tear already formed in his eyes, and before it fell, a hand stretched out and wiped it.

"Stop thinking. Sleep." a half awake Sungwoo said.

Daniel blinked, unable to comprehend what just happened, Sungwoo smiled, reaching up to ruffle Daniel's hair as he immediately falls back to sleep.

Even through a half-asleep state, Sungwoo can still manage to dismiss Daniel's thoughts. If only Daniel didn't give in, none of this would've happened. They wouldn't have gone through what they did. Everything would have stayed exactly the way it should be.

Daniel watched Sungwoo sleep soundly, not a thought in his mind as he admires the man he's loved for two years.

Sungwoo was holding on to a small notepad. It's one of his hobbies to scribble or doodle something when he's bored. He probably drew something when he was keeping Daniel from waking up.

Knowing Sungwoo won't mind, Daniel opened the notepad. True to what he initially thought, it was filled with doodles. Doodles of small monsters, and dogs(Sungwoo likes dogs) and a bunch of random abstract work of art that only Sungwoo would understand. Daniel managed to keep in his laughter, this behavior is very Ong Sungwoo-like.

Turning the pages, what he didn't expect though, were a bunch of words together. Something he would've never imagine Sungwoo would write.

It was a poem. Sungwoo was never one to go sentimental, deep, and serious. What he wrote showed a different side to Daniel, of what was going through on his mind.

 

 

¬

_Let's go to the garden_

_You'll find something waiting_

_Right there where you left it, lying upside down._

When you finally find it.

_You'll see that it's fading._

_The underside is lighter, when you turn it around._

_Everything stays......right where you left it._

_Everything stays, but it still changes._

_Ever so slighty._

_Daily and Nightly._

_In little ways, but everything stays._

_∟_

 

 

Before Daniel could process the meaning behind Sungwoo's poem, Seonho came back from his room, mug of hot chocolate finished as he smiled through Daniel's direction. Seeing that their positions were reversed, Seonho only smiled as he minded his own business. The notepad fell on Daniel's hand as he didn't want to get caught by Seonho when he was invading Sungwoo's privacy.

Yes, invading Sungwoo's privacy, that's how Daniel saw it. Sungwoo wasn't his anymore, and even if he was, Daniel still has no right to step out of line.

He convinces himself that he doesn't need to overthink on this one. What matters is, Sungwoo is back.

As Daniel drifts to sleep, a content sigh escape from Sungwoo, as they both take in the night.

  
➶

  
Daniel's classes start at exactly 9am. He's not particularly strict when it comes to house rules, he wanted to make the class as fun as he can for his students, that's why he implemented the One Voice policy. If someone is talking, everyone should listen. Same applies with everything else. If Daniel is teaching, all eyes should be on him.

Of course, he can't blame his students if they're suddenly out of focus this particular day when Sungwoo decided to drop by.

Coming in with 3 boxes of pizza,chicken, and drinks for Daniel's student. Not to mention how breathtaking he looked, according to Daniel's student. To top all that off, Sungwoo managed to captivate everyone's hearts when he showed his signature dance style, Popping.

Again, Sungwoo was shining. In everything he does, he's shining. That's one thing that Daniel can't ever get used to. There's always something that Sungwoo do that never fails to amaze him.

And so here they were, at the final hour of the afternoon class. Sungwoo acted as the dj of the class, often switching upbeat songs to a mellow one right before the bass drops. Sungwoo knows how to make everyone smile.

It's so easy to fall in love with Sungwoo. That's what scares Daniel the most.

As the class ended, and everyone was saying goodbye, even some of Daniel's students insisted to hangout with both of them. Sungwoo, sadly, turned them down. Daniel knows how tiring his classes can be, and he wants his students to be well rested enough for the next class. With disappointed 'awww's' the class went home without even putting up a fight.

It was only the two of them now.

Somehow, Daniel managed to develop this recurring fear of being alone with Sungwoo. Alright, he's finally managed to admit it to himself that he's not over the guy. Yes, they live in the same unit. Yes, they are close friends, even best friends. But sometimes, Daniel could see a tiny hint of longingness in Sungwoo's eyes, he's arguing over to himself to think that he's just imagining things, and the way that Sungwoo brushes his hands against Daniel's fringes only because ' _I like it when I see your eyes Niel_.' Or when he wraps his arm around Daniel's shoulder whenever he gets the chance to. Well, Daniel liked to think of it that this is Sungwoo being a friend, heck he's like this to everyone. But somehow, Daniel wants to keep the fantasy alive, that maybe, just maybe, this is Sungwoo giving him hints, that this is Sungwoo's way of trying to say something.

But all thoughts were put on hold as reality hits back.

As they were putting things back, Sungwoo suddenly stopped, looking at the direction of the glass door entrance.

There was a boy standing behind, smiling as wide as he could when Sungwoo took notice of him.

Daniel saw the happiness in Sungwoo's face when he saw the boy in question. Who was he? And how was he able to make Sungwoo this excited in just one look?

Daniel saw how Sungwoo practically skipped over to open the door for the boy standing opposite, the boy was average in height, but he had his manly appearance and vibe around him. What surprised Daniel was when Sungwoo came contact with him, all manliness disappeared into somewhat......intimate?

The boy was clinging on to Sungwoo as if his life depended on it, both having smiles on their faces.

If looks could kill, if only it could. Daniel would've sinned.

Daniel watched as Sungwoo exchanged words with the stranger, excited, it's the same excitement that Sungwoo shows whenever he's talking to Daniel before.

' _Could he be?'_

' _Of course. He has to be_ '

Daniel smiled bitterly to himself, turning back to continue what he was doing. He bit his lips until they bled, fighting back tears that was threatening to form from his eyes.

_'I don't have the right to be hurt. He has every right to be happy. He deserves this. But why.....why does it hurt so much.'_

_'I deserve this anyway. I put him through so much hurt. Of course he'd want to be happy.'_

' _I'm lucky I'm even allowed to be in his life....right_?'

All questions to himself were put to a stop when Daniel

"Hey, I'd like you to meet somebody." Sungwoo smiled, hand locked with the unfamilliar boy's.

The boy was shy in front of Daniel, he tugged on Sungwoo's hand in his, earning a wide grin from the latter, as if assuring him that it's okay.

"Hi" the boy smiled at Daniel, "I'm Sunghyuk. Nice to meet you."

Somehow, Daniel can see what Sungwoo liked from this boy.

Everything he's not.

With a cold stare, Daniel acknowledged the boy, without as much accepting the hand in front of him, "Daniel" he introduced himself as he walked past by both guys.

"Just lock up the place if you're done." He stated, picked up his bag, walked out the door, and never looked back.

Somehow it all feels too familliar to Daniel. Minus the boy, and ofcourse, the roles have been reversed.

Instead of Sungwoo walking out, it was him who did, leaving Sungwoo without having to answer any of the questions the latter has in mind. He was already halfway to exiting the building when he stopped to acknowledge the hurt he's been holding out for weeks now.

"I'm the worst." He cried, not caring about the weird looks he's getting from the people he passed by.

Daniel didn't see how Sungwoo's heart broke when he left. Daniel didn't hear Sungwoo's cries. Daniel didn't see how much of a mess Sungwoo was.

Daniel didn't see.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand there ya go. Alsoooo, I do apologize that I havent replied to any comments yet. :( 
> 
> I havent had the time to check anything out since my routine after work is to read my drafts on this and make the changes then I fall asleep then it's back to work again the next day.
> 
> As alwaays. Feedbacks. Comments. Violent reactions


	5. Little Do You Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna post this before going to work （≧∇≦）

 

 

  
➶

 

Sungwoo went to New York with a heavy heart. Though his future is paved with bright lights, what lies ahead is still shrouded in darkness from his perspective. This light is temporary, there's only one light he considers, Kang Daniel.

Reluctant to brave the big city without Daniel, Sungwoo kept aside all hurt and longingness of being separated from Daniel, his friends, and his home country. He needed to be strong, he needed to do this, to prove himself better, for himself......for Daniel.

Being in a foreign country, with a different culture. Sungwoo felt alienated. Judging eyes latch on to him everyday as he walks the streets. Not a familliar face in sight, nor the feeling of being welcomed. In here, he's not Ong Sungwoo, the guy who laughs a lot, jokes a lot. He's not Ong Sungwoo who does the most randomest, weirdest things a person can do. He's not Ong Sungwoo the guy who's good at everything. He's nobody.

The first few months, Sungwoo experienced withdrawal. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat. His head is always somewhere else. Thinking of home, his family, Jisung and the kids, Daniel. His roommate doesn't show even an ounce of care, even when Sungwoo collapsed one morning due to starvation, the guy only called their manager then never looked at Sungwoo again. He was hospitalized, and had an IV attached to him, he was sent to work a few hours after. They're paying him not to get sick, he got scolded a lot for not taking care of himself.

Work was an eye opener for Sungwoo. It's true that he is qualified to be here. His looks are definitely unique, but it's the same with everybody else. They all have their own to contribute, what makes him so special? He can't lag around every body else, he just gets humiliated for it. He was passed down to a different manager, one who's a little too controlling, strict, he never liked Sungwoo. He made it clear that just because Sungwoo's good looking doesn't mean he's irreplaceable. He made it a point that if Sungwoo doesn't get it together, he'll be sent out in the streets.

Most of the time because of Sungwoo still adjusting to his new life, he just sits back watching his colleagues on sets for their shoot. The clients and photographer deems Sungwoo 'half-baked'. Claims he's not ready for the big projects, unlike the rest of his co-models. Sungwoo had to take all mockery and laughter towards him as a joke, even if it hurts, it did, a lot.

Sungwoo's routine became unhealthy, while he does get paid, he gets paid less. His daily intake of mocking words and discouraging comments are too much for him to handle that he cries himself to sleep. He finds himself refuge in his dreams, in there, Daniel would be with him. Daniel would be there to give him a pat on his head, congratulate him on a job well done, grab his hand, kiss him on his lips, and assures him that everything is great. The cruel apparition dawns on him the moment he hears the alarm on the table side go off, breaking him away from sanctuary.

Sungwoo had to pretend, he had to. In here, the weak dies out, no one takes care of you if you're unable to yourself. That's why Sungwoo fought. He took everything in, all the laughter, all the insults, mockery, discouragement. He endured all of it, all so he could come back to Daniel.

 _I_ **will** _come_ _back_ to _Daniel_

Sungwoo kept that as a promise to himself. That's what kept him going all throughout the months of being alone. The thought of having Daniel back by his side. All Daniel's smiles, hugs and kisses. Just the thought of it all motivated Sungwoo. It was enough to give him strength.

At first it was hard, he's human after all. He has emotions. All the people who didnt believe in him, all the people who made fun of him. They all hurt him. True, that Sungwoo never felt this kind of treatment back at home, but instead of being disheartened, he endured it. For him, this kind of treatment is nowhere near the pain of not seeing Daniel, of not being able to hold him, or hear his voice.

 _Fake_ _it till you make_ _it_ _Ong_. He tells himself like a mantra.

And so he did. Little by little, he's learned to shrug off all the negative comments about him. Little by little, he gained the trust of his colleagues. He made some friends of his own, he got the recognition he rightfully deserves, he worked hard to prove to everyone who looked down on him, until they were looking up, at how high he's climbed.

Before he knew it, he grew accustomed to his lifestyle. He was happier, content even. But at night, he grows lonely. Still missing the presence of Daniel. He'd wake up in the middle of the night, he feels as if he's seeing sillhouettes around the house, he sees them by pairs. Clinging on to each other, laughing. They were a happy pair of shadows, dancing around the darkness, in their own little world.

That's when he met Sunghyuk. One night he decided to stroll around town, just to get the images off his mind when he bumped into him.

Sungwoo was glad he's met another from the same country, it makes things easier for both of them to have that connection.

Sunghyuk became Sungwoo's best friend in an instant. They would share stories of what they miss about home, and compare how different it is being here. For them, speaking in vernaculars feels almost as if they never left the country as they share stories.

Sunghyuk has been living here for years now, whereas Sungwoo has only been here for a few months. He told stories about how hard it was for him to adjust, having used to a different culture. But he's learned to adapt. The boy was younger than Sungwoo, though, he sounded mature. His parents seperated at a young age, with his father winning custody over him. Sunghyuk goes back and forth to visit his Mom back in Korea, but after she found and had a new family,  
Sunghyuk didn't visit anymore, even after she insisted. He said he didn't want to hold it against his Mom, but it hurts seeing her with another family that he made that decision.

He loves both his parents, not one greater than the other. But now, his life is this. His father is a high school teacher, he supports his father by doing various jobs. Sunghyuk's been through a lot of jobs, met a lot of people.

 _People_ _come_ _and_ _go_ , says Sunghyuk. _Can't_ _keep_ _all_ _of_ _them_. _That's_ _why_ _you_ _just_ _have_ _to_ _accept_ _it_ _as_ _it_ _is_ , _that's_ _life_. _If_ _you_ _stay_ _behind, you'll get left behind_. _The_ _only way is to move forward_ , _don't you think?_

Sungwoo was amazed at how Sunghyuk still managed to be how he is right now despite all that he's been through. In a way, Sungwoo can see Daniel in Sunghyuk. A boy full of dreams, hopes, and passion. But somehow, Sunghyuk managed to have all those taken away from him. The product is this boy beside him, ever so strong-willed, and tough. But inside, he's empty, incomplete. And no matter how much Sunghyuk hides it with all of his smiles, Sungwoo could see right through him. Because he and Sungwoo are all the same.

Meeting Sunghyuk definitely made life for Sungwoo easier, and the while the boy did know about Sungwoo's story, he didn't pry much further into details about the things Sungwoo left out.

He's aware of Daniel. Jisung, and the kids. He's aware of all of that, and the rest were left in grey areas.

One thing Sunghyuk didn't agree with Sungwoo though, was him checking up on Daniel.

Yes, Sungwoo has been keeping tabs on him. Even if it's just little by little, at least he was able to hear news about Daniel.

It all started when he mistakenly set his status online to available when he logged in on his social media. That time, Seonho was online, he couldn't bring himself to ignore the younger boy as he was bombarded with crying emojis, the next thing he knew, Seonho was spilling information one after another.

He found out how much of a wreck Daniel became ever since he left. How his heart clenched at the thought of Daniel being in pain because of him. While it was Daniel who decided to end things, Sungwoo felt he was also at fault. He had the choice to fight, for both of them. He could have done better, to prevent things from going this way. He had it in him, it's just that back then, he wasn't strong enough to stop this from happening.

Sungwoo cried as he thought of all the pain Daniel went through. He felt guilty. He's having a good time in a foreign country, meeting new friends on a daily basis, he's finally enjoying his work, all hardships and endurance paid off, he's got the recognition he worked hard for. But on the other side of the world, Daniel's in pain, Daniel's hurting, and he's the only one who can ease his pain, hopefully.

With a shaky hand, and a hopeful thought, Sungwoo dialled through a number that was all too familliar with him, hoping that the digits he was dialling was still in use.

Heart stopping as he hears a worn-out voice from the other line, without realizing it, he hadn't heard this voice for two years now.

Cold sweat drops at the side of his face, racing as he takes in the sleep-induced voice of the person he's been longing for on the other line. Hands shaky as he takes a deep breath in, before speaking.

"I'm coming home Daniel, can you pick me up?"

As he says those words, he hears the boy on the other line panick, the sound of his phone dropping to the floor was defeaning for Sungwoo. All fear disappeared into laughter as he listens in the boy on the other line choke on his words.

"What time? I-I mean when?! I need to set a reminder. I-i mean. Not that I would forget. It's just that I-uh don't want to oversleep that's all."

That was all Sungwoo needed to hear, to know that Daniel will be waiting.

 

➶

 

  
"Stupid....stupid....stupid...you're so stupid Kang Daniel. Stupid,stupid."

  
Daniel ran as far away as his legs could take him away from the studio. He somehow managed to get himself to the other side of town, sitting down, back against a tree as he bangs his head repeatedly cursing at himself for his previous action.

The image of Sungwoo hugging the estatic Sunghyuk flashes back into his mind that he can't help but let the tears in his eyes fall down. Not minding the dark clouds forming.

Stuck in a state of self-loathing, Daniel wanted to scream, wanted to shout, wanted to throw it all away.

He was angry. Not at Sungwoo. Not at Sunghyuk. But at himself.

Ofcourse Sungwoo found someone else, what was he thinking. Sungwoo is very lovable. Anyone could, and most probably would, fall in love with him with ease. What's not to love? He's everything, everything....everything to Daniel.

Somehow, Daniel disappointed himself. He expected Sungwoo to chase after him, that's why he had the confidence to walk out on them just like that. But he didn't, he didn't chase after him. Just as he didn't chase after Sungwoo when he told him off.

"I deserve all of this." he says to himself.

"Deserve what?" A voice came from behind.

It was Jisung. He had that look on his face, the kind that says that he knows what Daniel was thinking, he knows what Daniel was feeling. And even if Daniel doesn't say anything, he knows what Daniel will say.

"How did you-"

"Find you?" Jisung chuckled as he sit beside Daniel, "You're not that hard to find."

Daniel attempted to hide his tears from Jisung, instead, he wasn't able to fight them back, and Jisung let Daniel drench his shirt in tears.

One thing that most people don't see, is a crying Daniel. Only Jisung and Sungwoo has seen Daniel cry so far. It's not that he didn't trust the others enough for him to lower his guard down, it's just that he didn't want to burden anyone else with his problems. That's why Daniel always keeps it in, tries his best to be strong, but he always fail in front if Jisung or Sungwoo.

"Cry it all out Niel." Jisung rubbed circles at the younger's back, the latter mumbling words as he lets out all the frustrations he's been keeping in.

"I'm not gonna listen to you like this honestly, you're like a kid." Jisung scolded, "Talk when you're finished crying." He pat Daniel a little harder, earning a whine from the younger.

It took some time before Daniel's breathing became steady. His eyes puffed from crying, while Jisung's shirt was completely drenched.

"You don't have to tell me." Jisung started. "It's all clear since we went to pick him up."

"All clear that?"

"You still love him." Jisung smiled at Daniel, the latter lets out a big sigh.

"Is it wrong to?"

"No." Jisung shook his head, "You were just scared, nobody blamed you for what happened."

"But Sungwoo-"

"Sungwoo also made a decision, it wasn't the best decision, but it definitely did you both good." Jisung said.

"How did it do us both good?"

Jisung laughed, "You may not see it now. But for me, you both needed that break."

"I regret that decision."

"We all have our regrets. That decision isn't what you should regret the most. Not yet. You're still not there, the point where you'll make a decision you'll regret."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, that's not the most regrettable decision you made in your life. At least not yet. You'll get there, and once you do make a decision, that determines whether you made the most regrettable decision or not."

Daniel punched Jisun lightly, pushing him off balance to have him tumble. "Thanks a lot o' wise one." he chuckled. "Really, thank you." Daniel smiled.

"There we go" Jisung smiled, "That's what I've been waiting for." he pulled Daniel to his side.

"But seriously though, how did you find me?"

"Saw you running away from your studio. Wasn't hard to see where you were gonna run off to." Jisung said, "Now do you mind me asking what happened in there?"

"I'd rather not."

"Okay. Would you atleast tell me what you think Sungwoo felt about what you did?"

"Upset."

"Good boy." Jisung ruffled Daniel's hair, "Now, I don't need to tell you what needs to be done right?"

"But what if-"

"Save your what if's for some other time. Go. Apologize to Sungwoo."

"But what if he hates me."

"Again with the what if's Niel. Stop treating Sungwoo like a stranger. You know him like the back of your hand. Don't assume the worst. Go." Jisung commanded.

Daniel took atleast an hour to convince himself after he parted ways with Jisung. Of course Sungwoo would be mad. No matter how much Jisung insists that Sungwoo won't be mad at him, what he did earlier was inexcusable, he had every right to be mad at Daniel for the disrespect he's shown.

As he walks back to their shared unit, Daniel has been practicing what he's gonna say to Sungwoo.

He's never actually had to apologize to Sungwoo before, they never fought, they were at that point before where everything is understanded by the other. All faults and mistakes were overlooked, and everything else was filled in by the other.

Reminiscing made Daniel excited as he stops in front of their doorstep, expecting to see Sungwoo in his usual movie time at the hour of the day. He decided to just let everything flow naturally, his apology doesn't need to have a script, it's Sungwoo. Like Jisung said, it's not a stranger he'll be asking forgiveness to, it's Sungwoo, always been Sungwoo.

As he enters the passcode to open the lock, slowly pushing the door open, he was greeted by darkness, no Sungwoo sitting at the couch watching his movies. Just the light emanating from the bathroom by the front door.

Daniel thought that Sungwoo was probably tired, that's why he decided to skip movie night, guilt ran all over him at the thought of him upsetting Sungwoo. With a deep breath he pushes himself, one step at a time, preparing to ask for an apology from when Sungwoo comes out of the bathroom.

But it wasn't Sungwoo who came out.

It was Sunghyuk.

Both boys had a staredown, surprised upon seeing each other.

It was Daniel who broke his gaze first, swallowing a lump at his throat at the implication of having Sunghyum here, at their unit.

"Hi." Sunghyuk chirped, still as lively as he was from earlier.

"H-hello." Daniel greeted, not looking at the other as he takes of his shoes.

"Sorry to intrude, I didn't mean to surprise you." Sunghyuk smiled, somehow it irritated Daniel.

"Where's Sungwoo?" Daniel asked, less cold this time.

"Ah...he said he'd go to bed. Sorry about earlier I guess I was a bit rude coming in just like that without acknowledging you first." Sunghyuk scratched the back of his head as he flashed another smile to Daniel.

"It's fine." Daniel convinces himself, "Are you uh...gonna stay the night?" he asked hesitantly, at the back of his mind, he was hoping the latter would say no.

"I...uhh. If that's fine for you?" Sunghyuk smiled, again.

Sungwoo invited him. Obviously, who was he to say no? All the courage he mustered up earlier vanished as he admits defeat. Sunghyuk will take care of Sungwoo right? He better. Daniel won't forgive him if Sungwoo gets hurt.

"Do you....want me to wake him up? Atleast let you guys talk things ou--"

"It's fine. Don't worry. Maybe some other time." Daniel walked to his room, turning just slightly to see Sungwoo when he walked past his door, the absence of any mattress on the floor, or the fact that Sungwoo's not clinging on to the second pillow is enough for Daniel to conclude that they'd be sleeping together in the bed.

"Are you sur--"

"Yeah. It's fine. Goodnight." Daniel said as he closes the door behind Sunghyuk, who was looking worried.

It's not fine. It's far from fine. It will never be fine for Daniel

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think a few more chapters. Like 4-5 and this'll be done idk. I'm trying to keep it longer
> 
> I'm thinking of writing a sequel buuuut. Let me finish this one first :D


	6. The Struggles of Kang Daniel pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm really sorry to be posting this late for an update. Been busy at work lately TT.TT
> 
> Second, I'm posting this now becaaaause. Happy Birthday Ong Seongwoo! <3  
> It just so happens that his birthday is right after mine so. Me and my friends kinds celebrated my birthday along with Seongwoo's the next day so it was fun.

 

  
➶

 

Daniel woke up at the wrong side of the bed next morning. There's this pounding headache that feels like his brain is going to pop out of his skull soon. His alarm has been going off for quite some time now, it's set to go off by 7am, it's already 9. Not that it matters anyway.

Memories of yesterday still fresh, he unlocked his phone, eyes half opened, to send a message to a group, his class, saying he can't make it this morning and that they should practice the routine he taught.

As he pressed the button send, it didn't go through. His phone was set to airplane mode, as he does everynight so his phone won't receive any messages. a notification window slid down as he turned off airplane mode, all messages sent to him finally went through but only ones from a particular person caught his attention.

 _rome-Ong_  
_7:34am_

_Hey. Went out to take Sunghyuk down to the cafe. Text back when you're up~_

Of course he'd take Sunghyuk out. They're dating obviously. Seeing the words together left a bitter taste in Daniel's mouth. He argued to himself if he's going to reply. What's it to Sungwoo anyway? Shouldn't he just enjoy his time together with Sunghyuk? Why does he even need to text back. Preparing to throw his phone to the side, it vibrated again.

_rome-Ong  
7:53am_

_By the way, will stay at Sunghyuk's place. Don't wait up. Made you breakfast tho, just heat it up. Hit me up when you're awake._

As much as he wants to. He can never get mad at Sungwoo, only at himself. He's angry because he let it get this far. Why couldn't he just be stronger? If it wasn't for his decision two years ago, he wouldn't have to suffer like this. The anguish of having to be this close to Sungwoo, only to realize the reality of how much farther they have grown apart.

Daniel hates himself. He hates the fact that he's the only one haunted by his own mistakes, the only one still stuck in the past. Everyone else seems to have moved on from the happenings of two years ago, yet here he is, forever stuck in torment of what seemed like only yesterday. How he longed to turn back time, to stop himself from saying those words, how he wished he never let his own fear consume him.

Looking back now, if he were to see his old self, if only he could. Daniel would convince his old self to stand his ground, don't let go. If only he could, he'd scream at the top of his lungs.

'It was here' Daniel thought, he stood by the glass window at the living room, recalling the night it happen.

The images were vague, but the cries of Sungwoo still rings in his ears as if the whole ordeal was happening in front of him.

As Daniel recalls Sungwoo's words that night, a sharp pang clenches his heart as his tears start flowing uncontrollably.

Lately he noticed that he's been having these uncontrollable outbursts. Ever since Sungwoo returned.

Who's to blame for all this?

'Me, I caused this. I brought this to myself.' Daniel thought.

But then again, amidst all of this darkness circling over Daniel, the very cause of this torment, Sungwoo still manages to save Daniel from himself.

A single text, though it's against Daniel's favor, was all that was neccessary for Daniel not to succumb into further depression.

He figured that all this he's feeling, in time, will pass. If he endured this for two years, a few more wouldn't be so bad, right?

Hopefully it does.

 

➶

 

  
Daniel opted to go out, instead of wallowing in his own morbid thoughts about how all of this is his fault. It was a nice anyway, though he should be at work, he figured a day out shouldn't be too much of a crime.

The sun was out, the breeze was cool, it's like today was the perfect day. Normally, Daniel would be so jumpy and excited and all, but somehow, it's not the same.

The streets he's grown fond with were paved with memories. Ones he's always faced, but can never be fully prepared to tackle head on.

The walks with Sungwoo throughout the block, the same old cafe's, same old intersections, parks, apartment buildings, and clothing stores.

All of them have memories attached to them. Daniel just let his feet take him to wherever, the idea of strolling to forget his thoughts diminishing as the memories kept flooding in. Not even being aware of the stop sign not changing, Daniel was yanked away from a speeding vehicle when he stepped out of the sidewalk into an open road by a pair of strong but gentle arms.

Snapping out of his half-unconscious state, he directed his attention to the smaller boy who pulled him out of danger who was in the middle of raging at him.

"You have a death wish Kang Daniel?" the stranger growled, for someone so small the stranger's voice echoed through the street, gaining more attention from the passerby who was startled by the scene.

The boy had brown locks, medium fringes almost reaching his eyes, lips in full color, his choice of clothing was somehow unique but nonetheless, he was charming in his own way.

"Jihoon..." Daniel said softly, dumbfounded by how the smaller boy was fuming as he was getting dragged further away from the road.

"What were you thinking?" Jihoon scolded, "Causing a scene at this hour of the day, don't you have any idea how much trouble that would've caused? Lots!!" he spewed, "This accident would get broadcasted, people would make a fuss out of it saying different versions of what happened. Your friends would be worried sick, the driver would face lawsuits and all. Damnit Daniel."

"Sorry." Was all Daniel could mutter, mind still not in focus.

Seeing how Daniel looked, Jihoon's expression softened. Sensing the distress, he sighed. "What's going on with you?" he asked gently. Seeing how Daniel's trying his best to hide his emotions.

"Wanna grab a drink?" Jihoon offered, getting a nod from Daniel, he slung an arm over his broad shoulder, even with difficulty, he comforted Daniel all the way to the nearest cafe where they were.

Upon getting seated, Jihoon ordered for both of them, checking in from time to time at Daniel's slumped figure. When he slid in back to their seats, Jihoon could see the defeated look on Daniel's face.

They attended the same school, together with Sungwoo and the others. Though, Jihoon had his own set of friends, he's no stranger to Daniel. They did date briefly, but both of them figured it wouldn't work out so they came to a decision.

Ofcourse, they naturally had each other's backs. It wasn't a secret to anyone, but they had this....bestfriend-ish sort of thing with each other wherein even though they don't see or speak to each other that much they can still pretty much figure out how to lift up one another.

Careful not to trigger Daniel, Jihoon tried to make small talk, instead, making the mistake of asking the wrong question.

"I heard Sungwoo's back"

Hearing the name got Daniel's attention obviously. It was more than enough to get a reaction from the older male, but Jihoon probed more. Wanting to get to the root of all this.

Again, he opened up using the wrong choice of words.

"Is he seeing someone?" Jihoon asked

To which Daniel's surprised reaction was more than enough for Jihoon to decode what was going through Daniel's mind earlier.

"So that's why you were in such a daze earlier." Jihoon chuckled as he takes a sip of his cup. "To answer your question, Mr. Kang. I saw him earlier with a guy, seemed to be getting along pretty well." he said, "I hope that answers the 'how did you know' you had on your mind." he mused.

Daniel has never looked so defeated, sighing as he sinks further into his chair.

"Figured it would be Sungwoo who'd make you act this stupid." Jihoon muttered.

"His name is Sunghyuk." Daniel finally replied.

"And?"

"And....." Daniel folded his arms over the table, his head follows as he pouts, scanning the edges of his own drink. "I don't really know anything about him."

" 'Cause you were filled with jealousy to the brim that you didn't even bother to look at him, correct?" Jihoon scoffed.

"Do you have to be such a douche?" Daniel's brows furrowed, sighing back into his folded arms as he admits defeat. "He's charming. He's everything Sungwoo needs."

"You're sure about this, how?"

"You tell me. You were the one who saw them together."

"Haven't you?"

"I trust your judgement. How did they look?"

"Obliviously happy. Pure bliss if I may say so."  
Jihoon smirked.

"You're evil, you know that?" Daniel pouted, arms crossed as he takes a sip out of the straw of whatever drink Jihoon bought for me.

"What can I say, your pain is my happiness." Jihoon smiled, sipping from his cup nonchalantly. "You're a mess Niel." his tone suddenly got softer.

"I know."

"Whatever happened to the Kang Daniel I knew that never backed out? This guy in front of me is a joke." Jihoon said firmly. "If Kang Daniel would be here, you'd hide your face in shame knowing he went through all sorts of shit and still, he never gave up."

All the emotions Daniel was holding up burst. This is his one true weakness. Everything bad, everything negative, he keeps it bottled in. It may come in short bursts, but somehow, if it's in front of Jisung, or Jihoon, he can only hold in so much until he breaks out and all the tears come flooding in naturally.

"It was his fault to begin with." Daniel muttered silently, not a sob could be heard as his eyes cried out.

"Whose?" Jihoon's brows furrowed.

"Kang Daniel."

"Kang Daniel?" Jihoon questioned.

"It's his fault that this is happening."

Jihoon reached out and held Daniel's hand, the latter hiding his face in his arms as he lets himself get taken away by all of the emotions he kept in.

"It's been well over two years," Jihoon started, "Don't you think it's time to forgive him? I'm sure Kang Daniel deserves to be forgiven. He's suffered enough."

"I don't think forgiving him would change anything." Daniel said, his words muffled through his arms.

"It's a start."

Daniel peeked through, his cheeks already drenched in tears, memories of the two long years and all he's been through flashing through his mind, image after image.

  
"How do I start?"

 

  
➶

 

Daniel had a long talk with Jihoon, eventually realizing he had errands prior to running into him, the latter had to go early, leaving Daniel alone at the cafe.

Daniel didn't stay that long, figures he'd go atleast do some groceries to keep himself occupied within the day. He needed to make a run to the store anyway, it's not like he can depend everything on Sungwoo.

Jihoon's words made a big impact on him, same as Jisung's. Daniel always used to think that their minds are linked or whatever because they always knew what to say to him, and whatever each of them says is somehow connected to what the previous person said.

Trying hard not to think about the memories engraved onto this place, Daniel made quick work of all the things they need back at home, before he knew it the sun already went down.

As the streets die out, the people dwindle down in numbers, Daniel was again distracted by his own thoughts. Dwelling on how he can cope in the two years that he's been hard on himself.

In a way, both Jihoon and Jisung are right. Though, he's still leaning towards the 'this is all my fault' idea. Two years is enough. Sungwoo has moved on, he deserves the happiness that he found in Sunghyuk, who is he to act against Sungwoo's happiness?

Who knows, maybe after today, or a week from now, maybe a month, or maybe even a year, he'll finally forgive himself and be content in seeing Sungwoo happy without getting hurt.

For starters, he needs to accept the fact that Sungwoo is happy with someone else. It's not him, who makes Sungwoo smile, who makes Sungwoo laugh. It's not gonna be him who'll be Sungwoo's first pick, it's not gonna be him who'll be at the top of Sungwoo's priority.

It may be a stretch from what he's used to, but at least he'll still be in Sungwoo's life. That's a lot better than not being able to see, or hear from Sungwoo.

It's hard, and it's gonna take a long time to get used to, but if this will makes things better, then Daniel willing to endure all of this and the things to come. All for the sake of being happy, for the sake of Sungwoo's happiness. The greatest gift he could give to Sungwoo, is to set him free.

Content by the decision he's made, Daniel arrived at their building. Not realizing it's a half hour past 10pm. The lobby was empty, save for the lady at the reception who greets him normally, though there was an issue within the building.

"Mr. Kang" the lady called out his attention.

"Yes?"

"I do apologize sir, there's going to be an electrical maintenance at around 11pm. Expect that the each floor will experience an outage for the next half hour or so."

"O-oh....thanks for the heads up." Daniel replied, though a little frightened.

"Terribly sorry about the inconvenience sir."

"No problem" Daniel smiled, the lady at the reception bowed back as a greeting as Daniel continued to walk. Taking the elevator as his mind races.

So basically that means there won't be electricity for the next half hour to an hour. Normally Daniel wouldn't mind, but the moment the elevator door opens, he was faced with a dark empty hallway, and it doesn't help that he's got an active imagination, and Oh! good Lord, there's that flickering light that hasn't been fixed by the end of the hall. As if straight out of a horror movie, Daniel cleared his thoughts, took out his phone to act as a flashlight as he made his way out to their unit.

As he set down the bags of groceries in his arms to punch in the passcode to unlock their door, Daniel swear he felt movements around his back. Frozen in place, his imagination not helping one bit as he swears he heard footsteps, panic beginning to flow, as he starts to fumble over the passcode, getting it wrong every try. He can practically hear his heartbeat through his ears by all of the sounds he's imagining.

After many tries, he successfully managed to open up their unit, running inside with bags of groceries as if his life depended on it. Even behind the safety of his own home, Daniel's paranoid mind kept on going, insisting that there's a soud just outside his door.

He looks at the clock, 10:52pm.

He's got at least 8 minutes to put everything away before the electricity gets cut off for the next hour. Not wasting time Daniel sprinted off the kitchen, putting everything in place in a span of 5 minutes flat.

He quickly rushed to the bathroom to brush his teeth as fast as he can, he made sure to count the seconds as he finishes rinsing. He's got 2 more minutes to wash his face, not caring whether his hair is now stuck to his face as the foam covers his face, all of a sudden it hit him.

The scheduled blackout was followed as plan, and just his luck he was still in the middle of washing his face, panicked, some of the soap got in his eyes as he rinsed his face as fast as he can.

Screaming at the top of his lungs when he saw the reflections of their common toiletries which projected an image he wasn't expecting.

"Calm down Daniel, calm down. It's all in your head, it's all in your head." He repeated, hair strands still covered in suds, he grabbed the nearest towel(Sungwoo's) and wiped his face off in a quick manner. Bracing himself to meet the darkness of their unit for the first time.

It's not that he's scared, well...maybe a little...okay a LOT. A whole lot. Daniel may come off as manly, but he's not afraid to admit that when it comes to supernatural stuff, he may as well be the scaredy cat of the group, that and bugs, he HATES bugs.

Having just the lights turned off is a lot different when it's the whole building without lights. It's definitely something straight out of a horror movie. Opting to switch on his phone as a flashlight proved to be the wrong move as the different shadows of the objects in the place projects images that are very much unsettling to Daniel. Instead, he makes a run for it towards his bedroom, not minding everythig he bumps into, as long as he reaches the safety of his room.

Of course he knows it, that it's all just in his imagination, and that all that he was seeing was just his mind playing tricks on him in tandem with the darkness.

But then again.

Who's making that sound just outside his door?

For some reason Daniel could hear something unordinary, and it's making him feel very uncomfortable.

He blames all the horror movies the guys made him watch back at Jisung's. All elements of a horror movie suddenly starts becoming a coincidence in his case. Like a creepy scratching sound just outside his bedroom door. Daniel swears he could hear footsteps in the living room.

This is how I die. He thought to himself as he hides under the covers.

Without thinking, he dials a number by instinct. His hand shaking all throughout as he closes his eyes shut, hand in phone, and phone in ear.

' _Hello_ -'

"Sungwoo come home please, I'm scared. Someone's outside the door. Please come home, please, please." He pleaded through the call. Not getting a reply, the phone suddenly got cut off. That's where it hit him.

Sungwoo had abandoned him.

That realization of what just happen was shaken off to the side by the increasing sound of the scratches, and Daniel swears the voices outside sounded sinister. Screwing his eyes shut, heart pounding, his mind was racing, his head was hurting, feeling dizzy and nauseous at the same time.

He kept a song through his head to try to doze off, but the images of ghouls and the unknown just lurking around the darkness made him open his eyes just to make all those go away.

It didn't help that all he's met with was darkness, not even having the strength to stand up to at least open up the curtains to have the moonlight cave in and atleast shine a little light. The next thing Daniel knows is that his door creaked open, the eerie sound haunting as he can hear footsteps coming closer...closer.

He was close to losing consciousness as he tries harder to keep his eyes shut when he heard a familliar soothing voice, and a warm hand he's all too fond with reaching out to him.

"Niel."

There was no more need to confirm the owner of the voice. All fears of the unknown suddenly dissipated, and he was quickly encaged in a pair of arms, feeling secured in between them.

"Sungwoo." Daniel muttered weakly.

"I'm here" Sungwoo cooed, rubbing the back of Daniel's head.

Only then did Daniel realized that Sungwoo was completely drenched after he completely calmed down. He failed to realize that the sounds he was hearing was just his imagination getting the better of him, disguised from the sound of the heavy rain.

As if on cue, the lights were turned on. Revealing Sungwoo, his shirt clinging on to his body, his hair flat down by his face and the trail of water coming out from the door.

The clock displays 12am. Indicating the maintenance was finished, and all should be good.

"You're all wet." Daniel whispered, breathing still uneven.

Sungwoo laughed heartily, "Ah the things I do for you." he smiled, "All is good I presume?"

Daniel could only nod in embarassment, not able to look at the older guy as he stands up, chuckles as he sees his own towel on the floor, already guessing what happened before proceeding to dry himself off.

"Just tell me when you need anything else, okay?" Sungwoo grinned, his signature smile towards Daniel. "Goodnight Niel." he trails off as he head towards his own room.

Daniel rubbed his temple when he realized what just happen.

"How am I supposed to get over you?" He laughed bitterly. Completely unaware of the smile it brought on to the face of one completely drenched Ong Sungwoo, leaning just behind his slightly opened bedroom door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there we go. Again. I'm really sorry it took me like, 3 weeks? to update.
> 
> Well here it is. Tadaaaa. I hope people are still reading this. As always. Thank you for those that are still there for this <3


	7. Mini Chapter[6.5] : Not-so-usual Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this to give everyone's a heads up. Long chapters are coming up ahead. XD it's gonna go down now. Hope you're prepared for a rollercoaster of emotions. :P

  
➶

 

Daniel woke up with a numb arm, seeing that he fell asleep putting weight on it. Blinking repeatedly to adjust his vision as the day light enters through the curtains. Unsure of the pounding headache pulsing through the veins in his temple, Daniel tried to recall the events of last night. Through dark shadows and unfamilliar sounds, he vaguely remembers Sungwoo braving the rain as if his personal knight in shining armor, just to make him feel secured. Part of him argued that it was just a dream, part of him convinced himself that Sungwoo really was there last night, traces of his touch still lingers on Daniel's skin, as if the warmth never left.

Lazily dragging his body in a half awake state, it took some time for Daniel to take in his surroundings, it was the same as he remembers it, save for the plate already at the dining table as he sees the islands on the kitchen.

"Was he really here?." Daniel murmured to nobody in particular,

"Who was?" a voice came, where the wall dividing the living room and the kitchen where the fridge is usually out of sight from Daniel's angle, Sungwoo revealed himself, eyes blinking innocently as he chews on his breakfast sandwich.

Startled at first, Daniel smiled, hesisating to move an inch, he sat opposite to where Sungwoo took a seat, nudging the plate towards him. He stabbed a slice of the pancakes already prepared on the plate, "I thought I dreamt you up ." he said as he chews on his breakfast.

"Dreamt me up?" Sungwoo questioned, an eyebrow raised.

Daniel nodded, "I almost died last night I'm pretty sure I imagined that you went home."

"I did." Sungwoo stated softly, a subtle smile tugged on his lips.

Tensing up with the sudden fondness of the situation, Daniel could feel his face warming up, stabbing another piece of his breakfast, half-pouting as he chews, "Don't make fun of me." he said.

"I'm not though." Sungwoo smiled, "I didn't know there was gonna be a maintenance yesterday, if I knew that would be the situation last night I never should've left you alone."

There was some subtle stress to the last sentence Sungwoo dropped that Daniel didn't want to assume that there was another meaning to it. Sungwoo knew how active his imagination is, Sungwoo knows how easy it is to scare Daniel, that's all there is to it right? Daniel shakes off every possible thoughts as to why Sungwoo's here with him right now, even going as far as making breakfast, the same exact way he used to make for Daniel two years ago. Realizing the gesture, Daniel couldn't help but feel overwhelmed at the thought. Sungwoo actually remembers.

In the past, every morning, Daniel would always greet his mornings with a plate of his favorite breakfast, prepared by Sungwoo himself. There was not one morning that Sungwoo breaks this routine. It was a known gesture from when they were together that Daniel can't help thinking that maybe.....no, it's best not to think that way. Instead, he held it in. His body disagrees though, evident by how red his ears, and by how the same color is rising up from his neck to his face.

"Are you okay?" Sungwoo asked, extending his arm to reach out Daniel's forehead to check his temperature, instead, it was Daniel who took notice of his.

"You're so warm." Daniel frowned, Sungwoo retracted his hand when Daniel reached forward to place the back of his palm on to Sungwoo's neck. Sungwoo visibly swallowed from Daniel's touch, the latter frowning even more when he realized it. "Sungwoo, you're burning up."

Sungwoo's lips curved slightly, "It's not a big deal."

Sighing, Daniel took a quick look, assuming that Sungwoo's off to somewhere by the way he's dressed, he stood up and reached for the cupboards for the medicine they had stacked, pouring water over Sungwoo's empty glass, "It's because you got soaked last night. Drink up, rest. Wherever you're off to today, cancel it." he said firmly.

Of course, Sungwoo was taken aback at how stern Daniel sounded, though he paid attention more on how genuine the concern is behind Daniel's firmness. He was always like this when he's worried. Sungwoo smiled at Daniel, causing the latter to lose his stature, "I'll be fine." he said.

Evidently not liking Sungwoo's answer, Daniel stood up again and took something out of the cupboard, this time a thermometer. He wasted no time, gesturing Sungwoo to open up, and tucking the thermometer under the older's tongue. Both waiting for the sound to indicate it's finished taking Sungwoo's temperature.

"Take the day off. Rest" Daniel said firmly, showing the numbers on the thermometer.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry. I won't take long anyway, I'll rest when I get home." Sungwoo smiled,

"I'm not giving you a choice, Sungwoo. I mean it. Take a rest."

"Alright fine." Sungwoo smiled, standing up to face Daniel who was fixated on convincing him to stay home, in a playful manner, he clung on to Daniel, surprising the younger male, limbs attached around Daniel's neck. "Take care of me Daniel." he whined playfully, "I'm sick, please nurse me back to health." he whined

Taken aback by the gesture, and the sudden touch and proximity, Daniel's body tensed, Sungwoo's basically breathing down his neck, he could feel his breath hitting his skin that it sends shivers down his spine,"S-Sungwoo.." Daniel stuttered, trying to maintain balance as all Sungwoo's weight is pressed against him.

"'Cmon, you have to take care of me." Sungwoo pouted though unseen by Daniel, making whining noises as he hides his face at the crook of the younger's neck in between whines.

"W-what are you, five? Let go." Daniel struggled, though part of him didn't mind.

"Don't want to."

"Let go." Daniel cried out.

"I don't want to, Niel." Sungwoo whined, proceeding to wrap his legs around Daniel's waist to stand his ground.

"You're heavy, let go." Daniel complained, but his face wasn't showing any signs of irritation.

"I don't want to."

"This is ridiculous, let me go Sungwoo." Daniel chuckled, the vibe of the situation becoming lighter.

"You can't make me let go Kang Daniel."

Time stopped for Daniel as Sungwoo said those words. His voice too firm to even count as him playing his games. He stopped squirming all of a sudden, his grip on Daniel softening, though his breathing became a lot heavier, as if he himself realized the gravity of his words.

"Let go." Daniel said softly, knees getting weaker by the second, he could feel Sungwoo's heartbeat going in sync with his, how poetic, he thought. There was a minute of silence, both of them stayed in their position for a brief moment. Taking in the situation, Sungwoo broke the silence with a whisper that caused Daniel's knees to betray him, falling backwards, he failed to grip on to something to stop both of them from hitting the floor but it was a second too late.

The next thing Daniel saw is Sungwoo, staring down at him, his eyes, they were the same eyes he saw two years ago. Those eyes that he had never wanted to see, the expression from the same incident two years ago that Daniel swore, he would never let happen again.

Sungwoo's pained expression.

It's haunting as it is, guilt taking over Daniel as Sungwoo looks at him in proximity with those same sad eyes that pleaded for him to rescind his words.

Sungwoo's whispered words still lingering in the air as Daniel closes his eyes, avoiding contact with his one true weakness.

Daniel could hear Sungwoo calling his name, though muted. It's as if his own body, mind and all, is betraying him once again. Same as two years ago. All words fall on to deaf ears, Sungwoo's cries left unheard, his pain invisible to Daniel, his tears disregarded.

As Sungwoo's voice became clearer, and clearer, so does Daniel's tears come close to escaping his eyes. Feeling the touch of Sungwoo's hand on his face, Daniel flinched, convincing himself he's not worthy of Sungwoo's touch, he's not worthy of Sungwoo's tears, shutting his eyes as much possible it is to close them, Sungwoo's voice calling out to him grew louder, and louder, growing clearer everytime.

When he opened his eyes, he was met with Sungwoo, sitting opposite to where he was, palm on is forehead, a worried expression on the latter's eyes, fork in hand as a piece of pancake falls of his silverware on to his plate.

"Are you okay?" Sungwoo asks,

Dumbfounded, it took Daniel a couple of seconds to realize the scenario was all in his imagination.

"Y-yeah." Daniel sighed, him and his imagination really takes a big toll everytime.

"Want me to stay for today? I could cancel my meeting later." Sungwoo asked.

"No, no, it's fine. I'm just...." Daniel trailed off.

"It's fine. I can just skype my manager anyway. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine."

"You better" Sungwoo chuckled, "I didn't choose to stay at home and watch you sulk and stuff. 'Cmon, let's watch a movie" he smiled.

"I'll just....catch some fresh air, just for a while." Daniel stood up, finishing his glass of water before heading to the front door.

Sungwooo stopped Daniel in time before he could open the door, "Nope. Not gonna happen again." he said, linking his arm to Daniel's as he drags the younger boy towards the living room, sitting him down on the sofa as he excitedly turns on the TV.

"I'm not gonna let go of you this time Kang Daniel." Sungwoo smiled, as he pulls in Daniel closer, both arms wrapped around his shoulder.

Daniel knows Sungwoo meant the time he walked out on them back at the dance studio, though something in him wished otherwise.

Considering how Sungwoo said the same thing in the scenario he imagined earlier. What could go wrong.

For now, he'll cherish the moments he have, that he's in Sungwoo's arms.

 

 


	8. Fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in a while. I'm so sorry TT.TT  
> work hasn't been really fair to me these past few days. I haven't had the time to proofread this chapter. All I know is it's a big mess and all that. 
> 
> I'm trying my best to go through my drafts and hopefully edit it to be posted. Excuse me for this one I didn't really go through it I'm sorry TT.TT  
> if there are some faults please do tell me. I'm open to feedbacks <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

➶

Something changed after that day. Sungwoo almost always visits Daniel at the dance studio, always takes Daniel out for lunch, always waits for him when he finishes his classes and they both go home together, and the other way around . Daniel sees Sungwoo off whenever he’s meeting his managers, Daniel was there to see Sungwoo’s audition when he was casted by a passing talent scout, eventually Ong got the part for an Ad, eventually getting more projects.

This, ofcourse, did not escape the very watchful eyes of Jisung and the others. Something changed, strange, they thought. Many times Jisung attempted to confront the two, but the duo seemed oblivious to their surroundings, as if in their own little world.

It’s been 2 months now since Sungwoo came back, in the first couple of weeks, the two seemed awkward, well, Daniel seemed awkward. Sungwoo was never one to shy away from people, especially Daniel. A couple weeks before since Sungwoo came back, Daniel can’t even look at the guy directly, can’t even talk without stuttering, can’t even speak his mind when Sungwoo’s around. Now everything was too normal for comfort, it was a little too suspicious. And while Jisung was not one to kill the mood and all, he just wants to make sure of the situation, even if it’s not his business entirely, being kept in the dark at a situation like this certainly doesn’t bode well.

It also has been a while since the two met up with the group, almost as if they’re both avoiding questions from being thrown at them, for weeks Jisung had quietly observed the two at instances that he could. He would drop by at the studio, unknown to the boys, just enough to see how the two were doing on their own.

Sure enough, both of them clearly shook off all the awkward air that lingered in the past month. Daniel’s kids already warmed up to Sungwoo too, seeing that the latter apparently picked up some of Daniel’s steps and is acting as his assistant. At the corner of the room though, was a boy Jisung assumed to be the Sunghyuk kid Daniel told him about before.

Strangely though, the kid was smiling as he watched both boys teach their dance routines. More importantly, Jisung noticed how Sunghyuk’s eyes follow Sungwoo’s every move, and with a smile across the former’s lips as he watches Sungwoo. Who in turn, would glance back at him, flash a grin, followed with a wink, and the most hearty laugh. In the reflection, Jisung could see Daniel’s grim expression as he watch the exchange between the two, subtle, yet it was enough for Jisung to notice. After a while, when all were sitting down to rest, Daniel sat alone, back pressed against the mirrors. Sungwoo threw a towel over to him, covering his head as he sat down beside Daniel. Before he could even whine, Sungwoo was already wiping off the sweat from his head, Jisung could almost see how Daniel concedes into Sungwoo’s touch.

It was painful to watch, Jisung can only imagine what Daniel’s feelings are. Jisung didn’t want to bear any resentment towards Sungwoo’s actions, because they’re as pure as they can be. He knows Sungwoo better, he would never play with Daniel’s feelings intentionally, in any case, assuming what went down between the two would be a bad idea. Seeing that the arrangement they all assumed was way off. Seems that Dongho made quite a point, Daniel’s pain is unthinkable at this moment. But as good as an actor Sungwoo is, Jisung is sure that he’s been hurting all this time too. And what of Sunghyuk? The gang never met him officially, what of him? What part does he have in this charade that the two put up? Jisung could only ask himself, a question he thinks even the person of interest wouldn’t be able to answer.

“What are you doing to yourself, Kang Daniel.”

 

 

➶

Jonghyun invited the two over for a marathon, it was Jinyoung’s turn to pick what series they’re going to binge on. The group haven’t done this in a while, mainly because the last series they watched took a big toll on the younger ones. Leave it to Minki to scar kids for a lifetime.

While the intent for the invite is genuine, Jisung convinced Jonghyun that this could be the perfect time to at least talk to both of them about the situation, or maybe at least just one of them if possible and at the same time not stray too far away from the original agenda for the group. Seonho has been bugging Minhyun to have the two over since they haven’t been hanging out for a month now.

“You sure this is a good idea?” Jonghyun asked, both he and Jisung are in their shared room, the latter busying himself scanning through the list of shows on his screen, looking for the series Jinyoung picked. They just finished preparing everything for tonight’s gathering. Dongho, Minhyun and Minki took out the kids to grab snacks at the convenience store down the block.

“Could be, could be bad. It’s better than seeing them make fools out of each other.” Jisung said bluntly.

“I’d still say we let them figure out things on their own.”

“And have another broken Daniel? Won’t let that happen.” Jisung stated firmly, almost aggressive.

Jonghyun sighed, tilting his head back to rest at the bedframe. “And Sungwoo?”

Jisung visibly gulped, stopping his actions. Copying Jonghyun’s gesture, albeit sighing heavier than the latter. He rubbed his temple as his hand covered his eyes.

“I’ll leave him to you. Let’s not go through the first thing we planned.” Jisung said, “I can handle Daniel, you go talk with Sungwoo.”

“You know, I think it’d be better if it was the other way around.”

“No, I know you. You’ll just encourage Daniel.”

“And is that so wrong?”

Jisung paused, “No.” he sighed. “But I’d rather Daniel be what he was before Sungwoo came back instead of what he is now, he may have fooled himself but he’s not fooling me.”

“Don’t you think he’s the best person to say what would best for himself? I mean, he’s happy with what things are right now.”

“That’s false happiness. It’ll drain both of them, they’ll both feel empty soon unless they sort this thing out.”

“My point exactly, why not let them be? I mean c’mon Jisung. They’re not kids anymore. We can’t be the ones deciding their actions, not anymore.”

“Look where that got them before. I can’t standby and watch, Jonghyun. You weren’t there. You didn’t see Daniel’s pain like I did. I’m sure Sungwoo’s in pain too, but he can handle it better, Daniel just can’t. I’ve known that boy since we were kids, he’s not just ‘like’ a brother to me, he IS my brother, blood doesn’t have anything to do with it.” Jisung panted, anger, frustration, and helplessness building up. Jonghyun could only stare at the intensity of the words coming out of Jisung. All in all, he knows Jisung means well, and the sheer amount of worrying he’s been keeping in shows on the strain he’s showing right now.

Jonghyun stood up from his position, walked towards Jisung and proceeded to pat the latter’s back as means to calm him down, which usually works anyway. And work it did, after hearing Jisung let out one big sigh, almost with a striking similarity of a sob.

“I don’t need to see them to know how much pain they’re going through.” Jonghyun started, “Jisung this isn’t you. I know you look at Daniel as if he’s your own brother, but it’s not like you to be like this towards a friend, Sungwoo’s your friend too, and I know you’re worried for him as well.

“I just.....feel so helpless. I-.... I don’t want them to hurt anymore.”

“Don’t be, let’s focus on what we can do rather than what we can’t. Pain demands to be felt right” Jonghyun chuckled, “I’m sure they’re learning from it, little by little. It may not be evident right now, but I’m sure they’ll come around. And as their friends, all we can do, and should do is support them, right?”

Jisung snickered, “Hey, I’ve heard that line before.”

Jonghyun laughed as he kept his distance from Jisung, “Yeah, some dork told me that years ago.”

“Hey!” Jisung threw a pillow at Jonghyun's direction, the latter dodging it easily.

Dongho and the rest came back shortly after a while. All were excited and jumpy, as it has been a long time since they held an activity like this. Two years ago the gang always met up at Jisung's place. They used to host a lot of different activities for everyone, from video games, to a singing competition, a dance battle, even Minhyuk's board game tournaments became the cause of unannounced pillow fights. They were a family. Incidentally, the ordeal that Sungwoo and Daniel went through was hard, even for the group. Jisung didn't want to blame any of them, no one did. But it's been two long years since they've had this kind of atmosphere back, all of them longed for it. It was evident at how the younger ones were excited, even though Jinyoung's taste isn't exactly something everyone can agree on.

Sungwoo and Daniel came earlier than the time Jisung and his housemates were expecting them. Leave it to Sungwoo to always arrive at an event way too early than planned. The two was welcomed by a hug from multiple limbs, and incoherent voices coming from the group all talking at the same time. Seonho clung to Daniel like his life depended on it, spewing 'I miss you non-stop as he drags him towards where the food was placed. Sungwoo followed inside, not really hearing what Minki was mumbling next to him.

It was chaotic. Each of them had their own business. Seonho talking animatedly to Daniel while shoving his face with his favorite snacks. Jonghyun was walking around making sure everything was ready for them to watch the series Jinyoung suggested, the latter smiling excitedly as he claims the bean bag chair in the middle of the living room, Dongho was sitting behind Jinyoung, watching the younger boy bounce. Woojin was around this time too, he just came back from visiting his parents over the weekend. Minhyuk and Hyeongseob sat quietly at the floor, protesting at how long it's taking for Jisung to set up the tv while the oldest whines at how eager they were.

It was exactly as it was, even after two years, Sungwoo grins seeing the people he considers his family still together, he went away for two years yet things didn't change one bit. Seonho was still clingy to his brothers, Jonghyun was still as calm and collected, Dongho was still hiding his soft side, Minki still says what he means, Jinyoung was still reserved, Hyeongseob and Woojin still overreact over the smallest things, Minhyuk still prefers stuffing his face in his books and Jisung still frantically taking care of everybody's mess.

And then there was him and Daniel.

Sungwoo thought, Daniel hardly changed at all too. He was still the same, smiley, bubbly person. If one thing has changed, he's matured. Not only physically, Sungwoo could tell. He could tell over the years, Daniel managed to be more wiser, be more stable, more independent. And although there are a few changes, Sungwoo could only take note of a few.

From the past days, Sungwoo has been making a mental note of the things he noticed. He can't help it of course, being with the boy for two years, the change was subtle, but Sungwoo took notice nonetheless.For starters, Daniel no longer takes so long to wake up in the morning.Sungwoo always take an hour minimum to get Daniel out of the bed, the younger would always have a reason prepared as to why he's still supposed to be in bed.

It was a good thing that Daniel still likes sweets. Every time Sungwoo comes home from his meeting with his managers he would make sure to drop by and take home some random sweets from the cafe where Samuel works at. Even though he's tired from a long day of teaching, once Daniel saw the goods Sungwoo took home inside the fridge, he'd bounce around asking Sungwoo to eat with him. Gone were the days where he would limit himself from eating his favorite sweets because he was worried of the effect it will have on his outward appearance.

Sungwoo also noted that Daniel can now handle his emotions better. There were days in the past when Sungwoo needed to be by Daniel's side constantly to keep him from being swayed by his emotions, he tends to react to things in a troublesome way. Although, one thing's for sure. Daniel's still a scaredy-cat, he can barely watch horror movies or anything remotely scary.

He's proud, but the change scares him. It scares Sungwoo even more, that as the days go by, he seems to lose the ability to read what's going on in Daniel's mind. He used to be an open book, but apparently, Daniel learned to hide from Sungwoo. He's somehow distant. Sungwoo could feel it. Even now, Daniel sat a person away from Sungwoo.

Daniel didn't quite think about it to be honest. He just sat whatever's spot was available. Quite frankly, he wasn't interested in watching the series laid out in front of him. Somehow Daniel wasn't in the mood to go to Jisung's right now, it took a hell lot of convincing from Sungwoo to get him to come along.

With the dance lessons he's been having the past few days, and Sungwoo going in and out of his meetings supposedly to prepare for an upcoming project. Daniel barely any time to spend with Sungwoo. He knows it's not in his place to demand time from the older boy, knowing fully that he probably haven't spent time with Sunghyuk either. If Sungwoo would be spending quality time with someone, it would be Sunghyuk right? Daniel wanted to be selfish, but he knows that's not acceptable. No, he doesn't have any right.

Daniel spent the next hour trying to make out what the plot of the series they were watching. Something about a group of kids trying to figure out where their lost friend was taken, this otherworldly creature stalking them as they befriended a girl with some kind of psychic powers. Daniel doesn't really pick up the plot, first of all, it's weird and everyone's buying into it. Second, it has some horror elements to it, no thank you. Third, his attention, no matter how much he distracts himself, even amongst the quiet banter going in between each spectator of the series, his eyes always seem to land towards Sungwoo.

He can see it in his peripheral vision, how indulged the older boy is. Watching the show before him with a wide array of expressions as he showcases his emotions. The agony, happiness, fear, he showed them animatedly. Just then, Daniel saw flashes of every emotions Sungwoo has ever showed him. Bliss, as they shared their happiest moments. Rage, as they fight over the smallest things. Sorrow, as pain tugs at their hearts, screaming for absolution.

Daniel could only feel guilt. He's to blame for everything. Sungwoo and his pain, it's all because of him. He hates himself, how can he have the audacity to even think of holding back Sungwoo, even at this point, he hasn't changed. All he's done is hold Sungwoo back, and now that Sungwoo's found happiness in life, he can't even fathom how could he even think about being selfish at this point. All he thinks about is himself, he never once considered what Sungwoo needs.

Daniel already lost interest in watching minutes after the series even began. He excused himself from the couch, heading straight into the kitchen to fix himself up some water. He's been trying to keep all his thoughts out from affecting him all night. He promised himself he wouldn't, but then again, even just a sliver of thought regarding Sungwoo is enough to make a mess out of him. In the kitchen aisle, all he could see were their heads, completely drawn to the screen before them. Daniel needed to compose himself. He came here because everyone wanted to relive the moment of two years ago. He wasn't sure earlier tonight if he was ready for it, but seeing as he's already in this state, he's pretty damn sure he wasn't.

Because if this was two years ago, he wouldn't be in the kitchen trying to stop himself from having a panic attack. He wouldn't even be thinking this much in just one sitting to the point where he's having this unbearable headache. No, because if this was two years ago, he would be in Sungwoo's arms. He would be encaged in Sungwoo's embrace.

Daniel gave himself 5 minutes at the least, to calm himself. He wouldn't want to ruin the night by acting up. Everyone hoped for this meeting, he didn't want to be selfish, not anymore.

"Everything alright?" Jisung approached him, the volume of his voice hushed, careful not to alert the others.

"Yeah." Daniel gulped.

"You're not fooling me, Daniel." Jisung sighed, leaning behind the counter to completely block the window wherein Daniel could see through the others.

"I am."

"You're not"

"Don't be ridiculous" Daniel chuckled, turning to wash the glass he took out from one of the cupboards. "Why would I not be alright?"

"You tell me" Jisung said. His tone, Daniel knew it all too well. It was Jisung after all. He knows it, if there's anyone who can read Daniel like a book, it's Jisung. Although at one point, Sungwoo could too, but Daniel learned how to hide from him.

Daniel gritted his teeth trying to stop the tears that's been threatening to form from his eyes, his back still turned to Jisung. He knows feigning ignorance on Jisung wouldn't work, heck, he knows the oldest wouldn't even pry further, but it's just too damn much for Daniel. He turned around, not really caring how he looked like. Jisung wouldn't be rash, he'll keep calm anyway. He was expecting Jisung to drop the tone he uses to interrogate, which the latter did. Jisung's expression softened the moment he saw Daniel's lips shivering as he clenches his jaw, eyes getting watery.

"Daniel" Jisung sighs into his hand, fingers massaging the bridge of his nose.

"What do you want me to say?" Daniel says, unsteady.

Jisung doesn't say anything, he knew all along of course. He also knew better. When it comes to Sungwoo, Daniel is stubborn.

"Say something" Daniel pleaded.

"What do YOU want me to say?" Jisung countered.

"Tell me I'm stupid, tell me I'm an idiot. T-that I deserve all this." Daniel said, still being careful not to catch the attention of the rest of the group, his words were hushed, almost like he was afraid of speaking.

"You're an idiot." Jisung said, looking at Daniel with an emotionless expression, Daniel stared with with wide eyes. Lips still trembling, he wasn't sure when his tears started flowing, but they did.

The two stood in silence, gazes locked, with only the incoherent rambling in the next room as their background. Jisung remained with his face as straight as a thin line as he watches Daniel, tears flowing uncontrollably from the latter's unblinking eyes. Daniel knew this day would come. The day when Jisung would finally reach his limit. Daniel has been stubborn since day one, and it has been Jisung who kept up with his antics. It's no wonder Jisung would be forced to be like this to him. Everyone has been trying to help him from the start, yet he only listens to what he wants to hear. He didn't consider their words, but they were all the truth, Daniel failed to see them for what they are, even now. Now he's lost Jisung too, or so he thought.

Jisung sighed again for the third time, a long one this time. He motioned Daniel to come closer, the latter complied almost immediately and as soon as he was within reach, Jisung wiped Daniel's tears off his face with his thumbs, pressed up his face in between his hands, and said. "I'll allow it."

"What?" Daniel asked, confused.

"If this......If this is what your heart wants, I'll allow it" Jisung stuttered, tears began falling on his eyes as he scanned Daniel's face. Daniel kept quiet, waiting on what Jisung would be saying next. "I hate seeing you like this Niel." Jisung cried, "I want my old Niel back. I want the old him back, the Daniel before all this happened." Daniel began crying too. "You may not see it, but all of us....we all share your pain. You and Sungwoo's" Jisung added, "I'll allow it." he sniffed, "Be an idiot, be stupid. But please, don't shut us out. It hurts seeing you like this, but it hurts even more that we're powerless to do anything. We're your family, Daniel. I've been your brother for years now, please don't take that privilege away from me. Let me worry, let me in. I'm here to lessen the pain you're feeling. You don't have to act like you're tough, it hurts even more seeing you crumble like this."

"I'm sorry" Daniel began crying harder.

"It's okay, it's okay." Jisung cooed, relieved that no one from the group seemed to notice that they've been gone for quite some time. They constructed themselves before returning to the group, thankfully none of them really was aware. Daniel though, was oblivious of the worried looks he was getting from a particular person all through out the night.

 

 

➶

 

 

On the ride home, Daniel thought about Jisung's words. Jisung had told him of his original plan of convincing Daniel to stop pining over Sungwoo. Obviously he changed his mind after the exchange just a couple of hours ago. Daniel confessed all his frustrations to Jisung well after the first half of the series were finished. It took 4 hours at the least. They started watching by 5pm and here they are now, on their way home a few minutes past 10pm. Some time when they were having their dinner back at Jisung's place they were able to talk at the eldest's room without any questions rising up.

Daniel told Jisung that, although he hasn't any proof. There's an 80% chance that Sunghyuk really is Sungwoo's boyfriend. The only thing that supports this assumption is Daniel basing Sungwoo's actions towards the aforementioned boy, comparing it to how Sungwoo treated him in their earlier years. It's a stretch, he knows. But at best, it's probably not far off from the truth. He explained to Jisung the days that they weren't able to meet up with any of their friends, wasn't because things between him and Sungwoo started to become comfortable again. He cleared it to the eldest that they were both busy in their own business, he told Jisung that neither of them even have the chance to eat a meal together lest spend some time. Jisung argued that he always sees Daniel and Sungwoo out for lunch, waiting for each other to go home and such. Daniel told him that it lasted only a week, before their workload became strenuous. It wasn't even considered a date, Daniel said, it just so happen that it was convenient for both of them to wait on each other. By the end of those days, there was not a single time that Sungwoo didn't excuse himself from being with Daniel to go and see Sunghyuk, ergo, proving that the two has something going on between them.

Jisung didn't know. There was one thing that Jisung said that Daniel can't quite shake off his mind.

_'Sungwoo looks genuinely happy when he's with you. But the times I saw him alone, he wasn't. He looked lonely.'_

Why would Sungwoo be lonely? He's happy with Sunghyuk isn't he? Are they having troubles communicating with each other? Daniel knows Sungwoo like the back of his hand, but not Sunghyuk. Is he giving Sungwoo a hard time? Daniel really doesn't want to judge Sunghyuk, when all the boy has been to him is kind. But if Sungwoo's suffering, if Sungwoo's hurting....Daniel won't just sit still.

The ride has been awfully quiet, Daniel noticed that Sungwoo never said a word since they left Jisung's place. He didn't even dare look at Sungwoo, no, not now. He has so much in his mind right now to even convince himself that it's entirely acceptable to just hold on to Sungwoo and never let go of him, ever again.

When they got to their place, Sungwoo paid for the cab, said goodbye to the driver as he drives away. Daniel was taking in the coldness of the night's breeze, his back turned as he closed his eyes, waiting for Sungwoo. What he didn't expect though, was the warm hand enveloping his. It took every ounce of Daniel to fight back the urge to turn around, but before he knew it, Sungwoo was in front of him, ruffling his hair, his lips slanted slightly, eyes looking into a distance as he pats Daniel's crown.

"I hope I don't lose you to whatever it is you're thinking. You know I'm here right? If ever you're ready to talk about it. I'll be here, always."

Daniel wasn't sure he'll ever be ready.

 

 

➶

 

 

Back at Jisung's place. The rest of the kids were already asleep by the time Daniel and Sungwoo bid their goodbyes. Save for the rest of the adults who retreated back into their own rooms.

Jisung was waiting for Jonghyun to finish washing up. Earlier today before dinner, he managed to get a glimpse of Sungwoo and Jonghyun talking silently in Minhyuk's study. Jisung could barely make it out, but he could've sworn he saw Sungwoo with a grim expression as they talked.

Once Jonghyun reappeared into their room, he laughed at how obvious Jisung looked.

"You've got questions" Jonghyun mused.

"And you my friend, has the answers."

Jonghyun sighed, he sat at the edge of his bed as he turns to Jisung, eyes fixated on the floor like he's trying to figure out how to relay the information to Jisung.

"Well?"

Jonghyun sighed again, opening his mouth, only to close it again. His expression unrecognizable by Jisung. Either that or he's gotten better at hiding something. Although Jisung knows Jonghyun wouldn't hide anything from him, especially if it concerns Daniel.

"Some time today, maybe? If you're going to say this can wait til tomorrow I swea--

"He didn't say anything." Jonghyun cut Jisung.

"What do you mean he didn't say anything?" Jisung bit back.

"It means what it means"

"I don't get what it means" Jisung raised his voice a little, "It doesn't make sense!"

"It doesn't make sense to me either." Jonghyun frowned, "I asked him, what's the real score between him and Sunghyuk, and he didn't say anything. I asked him what about Daniel, and surprise, surprise. He didn't say anything either." Jonghyun huffed. Dropping down to his bed.

"I saw him talking."

Jonghyun shook his head, "That was him denying me answers from my question. You know how stubborn he can get. He isn't Kang Daniel but that guy can be stubborn too if he likes."

"Ugh." Jisung grunted, "This is getting us nowhere." he fell back to his bed too.

"What about Daniel?"

"Kid's still whipped. Managed to convince him to stop pretending he's not hurting though. I told him he could come to us if he wants to air out"

Both of them stared at the ceiling in silence, uneven breathing as both are tired from today's happening. It didn't quite turn out from what they had planned in the beginning. They had hoped that talking to both Daniel and Sungwoo would at least shed some light on what needs to be done. Daniel at least, was responsive.

"No point dwelling on it, let's get some rest. We have other things to worry about too you know." Jonghyun stated, Jisung humming in agreement. As Jonghyun closed his eyes all he could think of is the last words Sungwoo told him before he retired back into silence the whole night. Jonghyun argued to himself whether keeping quiet would be the best thing for the situation, or will it actually do harm if he speaks up?

All he knows for sure, is that Sungwoo won't let Daniel down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I'm actually hoping I don't take another month to post an update *crosses fingers I feel so guilty TT.TT  
> and like I said, the upcoming chapters would be more heavy(at least I tried it to be). there will be some fluff fillers every once in a while. that's why that emotional roller coaster tag is in there XD

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo yeahhh, I need to double check my drafts. I have this story finished already, I just didn't want to post it in one go. For dramatic purposes ^o^
> 
> Don't hate me. Please look forward to it <3


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